Best friends
by Dj AJ
Summary: Always. That's what he told her. They'd always be together. But then again the odds weren't always in their favor. Katniss and peeta are best friends before the Hunger Games. When a tragedy happens to peeta when they're little and he's taken away for eight years only to see Katniss once again when they get called to the Games. Is their love strong enough to overcome the arena?
1. Chapter 1- Beautiful Girl

_**5 year old Peeta's pov**_

Me and my father walk into the school and we wait in the line. He looks down at me with a smile.

"I'm very proud of you, my son." he bends down and looks me in the eye, "You're growing so fast."

I smile proudly, "I'm a big boy."

His smile broadens, "Yes, yes you are." he kisses me on the forehead and looks around the room. His eyes seem to catch on something and points to someone, "See that little girl right there?" I nod my head at the pretty girl in a red plaid dress, with olive skin, with her dark hair in two braids, "I wanted to marry her mother." I look up at him confused, "but she ran off with a coal miner instead."

"Why would she do that if she could've had you?"

He smiles once again before looking at the little girl and the man next to her, "Because, when he sings, even the birds stop to listen."

Wow he must have a very good voice to have the birds listen to him.

We make our way to the front of the line and my father gives me a hug, "I love you."

"love you too, dad."

I enter the classroom and see the pretty girl, I muster all my courage and walk straight I up to her, "Hello."

She smiles so sweetly at me it is impossible not to, "Hi." her voice is soft, and nice. "You're very beautiful." I tell her and smile from ear to ear.

She blushes an adorable red and I want to be able to see that all the time, "Thank you." she says and after a pause says, "You're very handsome to." I didn't think it would be possible but my grin is even bigger.

"Do you want to be friends?" I ask her hoping beyond hoping.

"I would love that." she says happy.

I take my seat next to her and our teacher starts talking, I try and listen but I'm too occupied by this beautiful girl and that's when I realize I don't know her name. And she doesn't know mine.

I turn to her and put my hand put my hand out and whisper, "I'm Peeta Mellark."

She takes my hand and I can't stop the feeling up electricity, "I'm Katniss Everdeen."

We turn our attention back to the teacher. Then she asks us who knows the valley song. Katniss's hand shoots straight up. The teacher puts her on a stool. I start to think if she can sing like her dad.

My thoughts die out immediately when her soft, sweet, joyfully voice begins.

 _Deep in the meadow, under the willow_

 _A bed of grass, a soft green pillow_

Oh my gosh.

 _Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes_

 _And when again they open, the sun will rise_

She has the most beautiful voice in the entire world.

 _Here it's safe, here it's warm_

 _Here the daisies guard you from every harm_

My mind has no way to comprehend what is happening.

 _Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true_

 _Here is the place where I love you_

 _Deep in the meadow, hidden far away_

 _A cloak of leaves, a moonbeam ray_

 _Forget your woes and let your troubles lay_

 _When again it's morning, they'll wash away_

Everything is quite. Even the birds outside the window.

 _Here it's safe, here it's warm_

 _And here the daisies guard you from every harm_

 _And here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true_

 _Here is the place where I love you_

 _Here is the place where I love you_

I am completely smitten by this girl.

 _ **Sorry it's short.**_


	2. Chapter 2- Katniss and her father

_**5 year old Katniss's pov**_

I walk home with daddy and tell him about my first day.

"And what did this boy day to you?" he asks smiling.

"He came up to me and said hello and I said hi. And then he… told me I was beautiful."

My daddy looks down at me, "Oh what a nice young man. And what did you say to him."

I look up to him nervously and embarrassed although I don't really know why, "I said he was handsome." my father's laughs.

"And was he?"

I make up the image of my mine, beautiful blue eyes, blond hair that feel in curls in his eyes, a grin stretched across his face, broad chin. "Yes."

"Oh and then what happened?" he asks curiously.

"He wanted to be friends and I said okay." I say.

"And?" he pushes.

"I sung that valley song and when I took my seat he kept staring at me with his mouth open."

My father laughs.

"After a while he told me that I have the most beautiful voice he's ever heard." I remember the heat that rose to my cheeks.

"What a kind boy." my father says.

"Yes he was very sweet."

My father looks down at me with a strange look.

"What was his name?" he asks.

"Peeta Mellark." I tell him.

"Mellark?" he asks confused.

"Yes…" I venture.

"The baker's son?"

"I think so." I don't understand about what's wrong with him being a baker. "Why?" I ask.

"It's nothing sweetheart. It's just, he's a merchant." what's wrong with a merchant?

"Is being a merchant bad?"

"Oh no! No that's not what I meant Katniss. It's just, merchants and people from the Seam don't get along too good."

"Wasn't mommy a merchant? And you a Seam boy?" I ask stopping.

"Well yes, but," he stops to think and we continue walking.

"But what?" what is wrong if we are friends? Mommy and daddy are married."

"Honey I'll tell you when you're older."

"Dad. I'm a big girl." I stomp my feet.

"I know you are my little mockingjay." he swoops me up off my feet and carries me the rest of the walk him.

"Daddy?"

"Yes my little mockingjay?" he asks with his warm smile.

"Can I be friends with Peeta." I give him big doe eyes.

"Sweetheart I do not mind if you are friends with him. It's just his parents might not like it too much." I says slowly.

"Why?" Why do they not like me? They haven't meet me so they don't know.

Daddy takes a big sigh, "Well because the Seam and merchants are very different. The Seam people do not have as much money as the merchants do and have to work in the mines." he looks at me warily, "And some merchants think they're better than us."

We are all human. How is that they don't treat us as equals? I am about to say something but he says, "All in good time sweetheart."


	3. Chapter 3- Peeta and his father

_**5 year old Peeta's pov**_

"But you loved her mother." I state as me and father trudge home.

"Yes but peeta she was a merchant."

"So that means she's half merchant!" I exclaim.

My father gives a chuckle, "No son that's not how it works."

"Why? I want to be with her so much." I plead.

My father bends down and stares at me, "Peeta, the Seam are poor people, and your mother would not want you to fall for her." he gives me sympathetic look. I know it pains him do disagree with me.

"But father… I already have." I look up with puppy eyes.

"I'm sure you can be friends with her." he says very slowly.

I can't hide the excitement and jump to wrap my arms around his neck, "Thank you Daddy!"

He chuckles softly, "Let's get going kiddo."

I cannot keep the big grin off my face. We walk into the bakery and my brothers are already here they come over and start asking me a million questions. I tell them everything about Katniss Everdeen. My mother has an angry look on her face hearing about it. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything.


	4. Chapter 4- The plan

_**5 year old Katniss pov**_

My mother walks me to school today carrying Primrose. I tell her about my new friend and she laughs and I give them a hug goodbye and eagerly rush to my classroom.

I spot is blonde hair immediately. As soon as a walk in the door a huge grin breaks across our face. I walk over to him and say, "How have you been, Peeta?"

For an odd reason he beams when I say his name, "I'm great how are you?"

"I'm great as well." I stare at him for a moment longer before I say, "My parents say I'm aloud to be friends with you."

"Really?" I nod and he smiles, "My father said that to."

Father? What about his mother? "What about your mom?"

His smile falters for a second, "Oh uh she's not to happy…"

Oh. So we can't be friends… My heart falls at the thought.

"But my father said she doesn't have to know." he says quickly.

My head snaps up and I break into another smile.

"Do you want to play sometime?" he asks with a glint of hope in his eyes.

"Yeah I do." I tell him.

"When do you want to?"

I think about it for a second. Maybe I should ask dad. "I'll ask my dad tonight."

"Okay and me to."

"Do you want to come to my house or yours?" I ask.

"Yours." he says without hesitation, "My mother wouldn't be too happy." he smiles at me and I can't help but smile back.


	5. Chapter 5- shocked

_**8 year old Peeta's pov**_

Katniss Everdeen is my best friend.

She's been my best friend for a three years now. Mother got very angry at me for being with Katniss. I remember the fear when she hit me. The hard slap of wood against skin. I had a big bruise on my check for a week. I ran out the house and all the way to Katniss's without stopping. I pounded on her door and Mr Everdeen opens up. He has a shocked face and sees the tears streaming down my face. Katniss is there in a second clinging onto me and telling me it's going to be okay. Mrs Everdeen helped with the pain and swelling but I was so scared to go back. They knew I would be sent to a. Orphanage home that makes you do hard labor and in door schooling and bad food although stale bread isn't that great either. I've had meat a few times from Katniss's and it's the best thing I've ever had besides a piece of cake once.

I walk into the bakery and look up to see my mother with a rolling pin in her hand looking down at me in disgust. She started hitting me and my brothers a lot lately. But I've been the one to be hitten the most. My mother made me and my brothers start baking at the age of seven. No matter how many times I've been burned.

"Where have you been?" she hisses.

I take a gulp, I've been getting very good at lying lately. I need to in order to survive. I have to. My brain racks my mind for something, "I was talking to some of my friends." _oh well that sucked._

"You were with that Seam trash weren't you?"

My blood boils at her name calling. Before I can stop myself I'm yelling, "Don't you call her that! She is not Seam Trash! She is a human being! You act like you're so much better then them! Her family is like a family to me! So don-" I stop as the painful feeling of wood flung me into the oven that's on, I see stars.

"You will not see that _thing_ again." with that she stomps off.

I run now. Without turning off the ovens. Run as fast as I can. Run, and keep running until my lungs give out and run more.

I arrive at the Everdeen's sweaty, bloody, panting, and crying. I run into the door and knock on it.

I fall into the floor when it's pulled in too quickly. I look towards the ceiling and see A blurry Katniss. _Mother will never keep me away from the love of my life._ She pulls me inside and is embracing me in a big giant hug telling me soothing words. She had her arms around my neck and

her forehead pressed against mine, my arms around her waist and I'm crying because of the pain, physically and emotionally. Physically because it's throbbing and emotionally because my mother hates me. She hates me and abuses me and won't let me see My Katniss. My father is kind and good but does not stop her from hurting us.

I'm crying and I notice Katniss is crying. I've never seen her cry before. To see her so sad makes my heart clench.

"You must think I'm so weak." I tell her sniffling.

Her face becomes stern now, "No Peeta. Never. You are the strongest, kindest, sweetest, boy I've ever known. And for that I love you."


	6. Chapter 6- the fire

_**8 year old Katniss pov**_

"No Peeta. Never. You are the strongest, kindest, sweetest, boy I've ever known. And for that I love you."

 _I love you._

The words sound so right coming from my mouth. It's because it's true. I do love him. I love him with all my heart and more.

He stops crying and has a face expression of shock. "Y-you d-do?" he stutters. I smile and wrap my arms around him tighter.

"I do. I love you."

He brings me at arm's length and says the words that have brought the most joy in my heart than I ever remembered.

"I love you to."

Peeta leans forward and kisses my cheek. I can't help but smile as the tingling sensation spreads through my body.

We hear a cough behind us and jump apart.

It's Sunday so father's home.

He has a big goofy grin on his face.

"Uh… Uh hi father." his grin widens at me stumbling at my words.

"Hello Mr Everdeen." Peeta says.

"Hello Peeta. Katniss? Can I have a minute with Peeta please?"

 _Uh oh…_

"Sure. I'll be in the living room with Prim."

I walk awkwardly away and go to my three year old baby sister. She is the most darling thing in the world.

After a few minutes have passed Peeta shuffles inside and sits on the couch next to me.

He gives me a sweet smile and I smile with my lips but question with my eyes.

He knows I want a answers.

"Do you wanna walk to the meadow?" he asks.

In the last few years Peeta and I have been in the forest with father. We learn to hunt, use bows, although Peetas the best with knives.

"Sure."

The walk there is how Peeta explained his talk my dad went most the time I burst out laughing but he does not find it funny. He says father told him about always respecting a lady and things like that. And how we shouldn't date until we're sixteen.

When we reach the meadow. We start a game of tag and chase each other around the willow tree and tall grasses. Right then and there we got married. Secretly of course. Although we didn't know anything about marriage at all so all we did was say we love each other and we were Mr and Mrs Mellark.

Out of nowhere we see fire.

Fire, smoke, and we hear screaming. Even from here you can tell it's from the bakery.


	7. Chapter 7- hopeless

_**8 year old Peeta's pov**_

No. No. No. This can't be happening! I'm already racing towards the bakery with Katniss right next to me.

It's up in flames. A tall wall of fire is surrounding it. I scream my family's name. I hear my father's dying voice from inside. I hear my brothers cry's and I'm bawling. The smoke is clogging my lungs and brain and I see adults desperately trying to put out the fire. I feel Katniss tugging me away. I look into her gorgeous grey eyes wet with tears. I am panicking.

The next thing I see are two large arms that sweep me and Katniss of the ground. Two big grey eyes that resemble Katniss's so much.

Then I see black.

 ** _Sorry they are so short :-D_**

 ** _They'll get longer soon!_**


	8. Chapter 8- losts and love

_**8 year old Katniss pov**_

I sit patiently next to Peeta. Stroking his blonde hair, singing to him. He still has not woken, and I dread when he does. He will have no father, no mother, and no brothers wheat and rye. I just hope I can help him. Hope I can ease his pain. Mourn with him. I try to think about if my family dad. I couldn't live. It may be different, Peeta's mother abused him, his brothers didn't treat him very well, but his father was kind and gentle, just like Peeta but he still didn't protect him from the wrath of his mother. I want to take the pain away. I would take it in a heartbeat if Peeta could be happy again. If I could see his white teeth, his blue eyes. The eyes and smile I love. No. Peeta will not be alone when he wakes. He will have me.


	9. Chapter 9- a loof

_**8 year old Peeta's pov**_

My family's funeral was heartbreaking. The only thing that kept me standing was _my love_ holding my hand. I had silent tears slipping down my face in public and alone loud hiccuping noises that wracked my body with sobs.

 _My family is dead._

 _It's because of me._

 _I could've turned of the ovens_

 _I killed them_

 _They're dead because of me_

 _I am a murderer_

I silently say my goodbyes.

My body has gone numb.

I feel nothing any more.

I do nothing.

I stare silently.

I watch them lowered six feet under.

I am an orphan.

The only thing I do is follow the tug off my sleeve.

Being completely tooned out.

Not caring.

And

Not

Loving.

Poor peeta...

Please review thanks! :-D


	10. Chapter 10- abandonment

_**8 year old Katniss's pov**_

Peeta is gone.

Not physically but mentally.

He's too numb to feel.

He's in too much pain.

My best friend is gone from the world.

He had abandoned me.

The one I love is gone.

Forgive me for making them so short


	11. Chapter 11-i won't give up

_**8 year old Katniss's pov**_

Father told me to not give up.

And I won't.

Because when you love someone you don't give up.

It's been two days since the funeral.

Peeta's staying with us.

But not doing anything.

Not feeling.

Not Loving.


	12. Chapter 12-sometimes nightmares can help

_**8 year old Peeta's pov**_

I fall asleep. Painfully

 _ **~ Nightmare begins ~**_

 _ **I run. Run. Run. Back to my bakery. It's my fault. They're dead because of me. I'm crying now. I haven't reached it yet but I know I can't get inside.**_

 _ **I watch as my family burns. Burns and screams.**_

 _ **I hear them all.**_

 _ **Father.**_

 _ **Mother.**_

 _ **Wheat.**_

 _ **Rye.**_

 _ **All of them.**_

 _ **But what Is that?**_

 _ **There's a new scream.**_

 _ **Katniss's!**_

 _ **No!**_

 _ **No!**_

 _ **No!**_

 _ **Not the last one I have left! I run to the bakery, fling open the door not caring of the fire the surrounds me, not caring of the smoke threatening to feel my lungs, not caring about if I die. Only that Katniss's is alive. That's all I care about.**_

 _ **I'm so stupid for not living while I had the chance. Not being with the love of my life.**_

 _ **I find her.**_

 _ **In a corner.**_

 _ **Coughing, crying, calling my name.**_

 _ **I run to her.**_

 _ **Screaming her name.**_

" _ **Katniss!"**_

 _ **She looks up.**_

" _ **Peeta!"**_

 _ **But right before I reach her.**_

 _ **The roof caves in.**_

 _ **~ Nightmare ends ~**_

I wake up screaming and turning. Screaming Katniss's name.

And there she is.

Holding me.

Saying that everything's gonna be alright.

I can't believe she's alive.

I take her cheeks in my hands and stare at her in disbelief, "You- you're alive!" I choke out.

"Yes Peeta. I'm alive. You're alive." she's crying and so am I.

We cling to each other.

I don't notice her parents or little sister watching us.

I don't see the look in her father's eyes.

That's he knows his daughter it's truly loved.

I don't see the look in his eyes that he's proud.

He's proud I love his daughter so much.

I will stop grieving over my lost and live in the now. With my love. With my Katniss's.

"I love you." I croak.

"I love you to."


	13. Chapter 13- forced away

_**8 year old Katniss's pov**_

Peeta smiled this morning. He actually, genuinely, smiled. It's only been three days since the funeral but he's getting better. And he's so strong. So brave. So kind. So everything to take on all this loss. He has a soul that can rise over the death and hate in this world and see the true beauty in it.

I cuddle with Peeta in our bed we share. Father and mother and prim are in the kitchen. I watch as Peeta's chest rise and fall.

He looks so peaceful.

So happy.

So loved.

That's when I hear the knock on the door.

I don't move.

It might be a sick man.

most likely is.

But when I hear the capitol accent I freeze.

"Peeta?" I shake him awake.

He groans in protest but finally his eyes flutter open and I see those two beautiful blue eyes.

"Yeah Katniss?" he asks, his voice sleepy.

"I don't know. Someone is here."

He sits up. "Who?"

I put my finger to my lips, "Just listen."

He nods his head and we strain to hear the funny capitol accent come through the walls.

"I have been informed that Peeta Mellark is staying here." says the man.

"Yes he is." I hear my father's gruff voice.

"Well here are Some of papers," there's rustling sound, "'i will be taking Mr Mellark to an orphanage."

I sit bolt up strait.

 _No. No. No. please don't let him take Peeta. Please._

I stair into his cool blue eyes and cling to him.

I don't care about what kind of conversion is going on. I can here my Father speaking. Surely he's smart enough to know he could get seriously punished if he didn't oblige.

I didn't care about the man mthough. No one's taking Peeta away. No one.

A few minutes pass and I hear my father's soft voice, "Peeta?" He doesn't respond, just tightens his arms around me.

I nasty odor wafts towards us like disgusting perfume, "Peeta." a strange voice says, "You are to come with me, to an orphanage, you shall be home schooled, you are not to leave the building besides when you are to work." when Peeta doesn't answer that man sounds annoyed, "Now."

I pull back to see Peeta's blue eyes wet with tears.

"I love you Katniss."

"I love you too Peeta."

And he kisses me.

No, not on the check.

But on the mouth.

Soft, gentle, and warm.

I open my eyes to see a rough hand grab him by his shirt collar.

"Peeta!" I screech.

The man is hauling him out side. I try and chase after him but my father's arms are around me, I'm screeching, pleading to let me go, I squirm out and run.

I see Peeta getting pushed into a car.

"Peeta!"

"Katniss!"

Out of the corner of my eye I see a women with a camera. I pay her no mind. I'm running with all my force chasing down the car. Peeta's banging on the back window. When I can't run anymore I fall to my knees. I will never see him. I will never see Peeta again. I bawl my eyes out. Until there's nothing left and I feel strong arms wrap around me.

 _ **Peeta is gone**_

 _ **My love is gone**_

 _ **Ripped from my heart**_

 _ **I need Peeta**_

 _ **I need him to survive**_

 _ **I need him to live**_

 _ **I need him**_

 _ **I love him**_

 _ **There is not one doubtful thought enter my mind when I say I love him**_

 _ **Because I do**_

 _ **I do love him**_

 _ **Will never stop loving him**_

 _ **I love Peeta Mellark**_


	14. Chapter 14- the orphanage

_**8 year old Peeta pov**_

 _ **Katniss is gone**_

 _ **My love is gone**_

 _ **Ripped from my heart**_

 _ **I need Katniss**_

 _ **I need her to survive**_

 _ **I need her to live**_

 _ **I need her**_

 _ **I love her**_

 _ **There is not a single doubt in my mind from the first time I laid eyes on her that I love her**_

 _ **Because I do**_

 _ **I do love her**_

 _ **Will never stop loving her**_

 _ **I love Katniss Everdeen**_

We drive a very long time before the car stops. It stops in front of a giant building, huge and ugly.

The man drags me inside. Through hallways I spot depressed looking children, in rooms I saw crying children, I am dragged through the entire building it seems until I get thrown into a room with a man at a desk. A very cruel looking man, long grey beard, sunken eyes, bloody lips, wrinkles, bushy eyebrows. This man looked like death itself.

"Hello Peeta." he said coolly.

I don't answer.

"Please, take a seat." he says gesturing towards the two dusty chairs in front of his grimy and moldy desk.

I don't sit.

"Very well. You know why you're here. I am not going to tell you like I care. I'm going to have a guard take you to your chambers and get… comfy." he purrs. "You Will be given a schedule." he hands him a paper.

 _ **Schedule**_

 _ **9:00 pm-6:00 am: sleeping**_

 _ **6:00 am-7:00 am: Breakfast**_

 _ **7:00 am-12:00 pm: Working**_

 _ **12:00 pm-1:00 pm: Lunch**_

 _ **1:00 pm-6:00 pm: studies**_

 _ **6:00 pm-7:00 pm: Dinner**_

 _ **7:00 pm-8:00 pm: Testing**_

 _ **8:00 pm-9:00 pm: readying for sleep.**_

 _Strict..._

"Now get out of here boy!" yelled the creepy man.

A guard came threw the door, grabbed my shoulders and hauled me of.

 _ **This Is my new life**_

 _ **I will never see Katniss again**_

 _ **I love Katniss Everdeen**_


	15. Chapter 15- the reaping-Katniss

_**16 year old Katniss pov**_

When I wake up the other side of the bed is cold, I reach for prim's warmth and find that she's in our mothers bed most likely because of nightmares. Of course she has nightmares, today's the reaping.

I put my leather boots on and my father's hunting jacket then braid my hair down my back.

I find a piece of goat cheese for me from prim and set off towards the woods. I crawl under the weak spot at the fence that's supposed to be electrified, retrieve my precious bows and arrows from different hollow logs and trees and travel to our spot.

Gales and mine.

I've only ever let anyone inside my life after Peeta and my father were ripped away. My heart clenches. What I would give to see them… but that's never going to happen. Fathers dead. And Peeta had probably been worked to death by now. If not he's not able to leave until he's 18. The only time orphan kids are allowed to leave is the reaping. Possibly. What do I know? I'vetried several times. I will see Peeta again. The orphanage is on the very outskirts of the district. Miles from here. If you got caught sneaking there or out you'll be killed. I tired once to try and find him at a reaping. I almost got punished but Gale saved me. Peeta. I have always kept him in my heart. Always. But I keep him pushed down,n compressed, so I can't feel I tight squeeze on my heart. But right now out feels like someone pushed a clawed hand into my chest and ripped my heart out.

I push the thoughts out of my head. I can't think about Peeta.

"Hey catnip." Gale says as I sit next to him. "Look what I shot." he says holding up a piece of bread with an arrow sticking into it. Warm and soft.

"'Mm, still Warm." he must have been at the bakery that they rebuilt. After the fire burned it down people started to rebuild it and now a family of merchants have moved in and started baking. "What did it cost you?"

"Just a rabbit. Think the old lady was feeling sentimental this morning. Even wished me luck."

"Well, we all feel a little bit closer today don't we?" I don't bother to roll my eyes. "Prim left us some cheese." I say pulling out the goats cheese.

"Thank you, Prim. We'll have a real feast." he changes his voice to Effie Trinket and puts on an annoying capital accent, "I almost forgot! Happy Hunger Games!" he tosses a blackberry in the air, "And may the odds"

I catch it, "be ever in your favor!"

After we have a good breakfast of cheese, bread, and blackberries Gale speaks up.

"We could do it, you know?" he says quietly.

"What?" I ask.

"Leave the district. Run off. Live in the woods. You and I, we could make it," he then adds "if we didn't have so many kids."

They're not our kids of course. There's prim my sister, my mother and all of Gale's family.

Even though this is not what I thought when I was younger, when I had Peeta, my love, father, mother. But things change, like knowing fully about the Games, things like children, "I never want to have kids."

"I might, if I didn't live here," Gale says.

Irritated I say, "But you do."

"Forget it." he snaps.

This conversation is wrong. Leave? How could I leave prim? The only one I have in the world that I love. Fathers dead, mother tuned out, I never forgave her, Peeta's gone. Prim is the only one I love. And Gale too devoted to his family. And all this kid talk is weird. There's nothing ever romantic between me and Gale. _That was only for Peeta_. Gales my best friend. That's it.

After a silence I ask, "What do you want to do?"

"Let's fish at the lake. We can leave our poles and gather  
in the woods. Get something nice for tonight," he says.

We swing by the Hob and the mayor's house and Gale gets into a strange conversation with Madge.

"Where something pretty." Gale says flatly to me.

At home, I find my mother and sister are ready to go.  
My mother wears a fine dress from her apothecary days.  
Prim is in my first reaping outfit, a skirt and ruffled blouse.  
It's a bit big on her, but my mother has made it stay with pins. Even so, she's having trouble keeping the blouse tucked in at the back.  
A tub of warm water waits for me. I scrub off the dirt and sweat from the woods and even wash my hair To my surprise, my mother has laid out one of her own lovely  
dresses for me. A soft blue thing with matching shoes.  
"Are you sure?" I ask. I'm trying to get past rejecting offers of help from her. For a while, I was so angry, I wouldn't allow her to do anything for me. And this is something special. Her clothes from her past are very precious to her. "Of course. Let's put your hair up, too," she says. I let  
her towel-dry it and braid it up on my head. I can hardly  
recognize myself in the cracked mirror that leans against  
the wall.  
"You look beautiful," says Prim in a hushed voice.  
"And nothing like myself," I say. I hug her, because I  
know these next few hours will be terrible for her. Her first  
reaping. She's about as safe as you can get, since she's only  
entered once. I wouldn't let her take out any tesserae. But  
she's worried about me. That the unthinkable might  
happen.  
I protect Prim in every way I can, but I'm powerless  
against the reaping. The anguish I always feel when she's in  
pain wells up in my chest and threatens to register on my  
face. I notice her blouse has pulled out of her skirt in the  
back again and force myself to stay calm. "Tuck your tail  
in, little duck," I say, smoothing the blouse back in place. Prim giggles and gives me a small "Quack."  
"Quack yourself," I say with a light laugh. The kind  
only Prim can draw out of me. "Come on, let's eat," I say  
and plant a quick kiss on the top of her head.

We eat, then head for the square. At my second reaping, five years after Peeta left I didn't try and look for him. The orphanage people probably kept them out of the square anyways. It's not like they take tessarea, although they most likely have to work for for food. I'm sure they get some special way to not be in the Square from an official. Maybe even the president himself.

 _Poor Peeta…_

My stomach ties in knots.

 _Stop._ I tell myself.

Mayor Undersee and Effie are on stage without a Haymitch.

We here the treaty of treason, I don't listen about the dark days.

Finally the mayor speaks, "It is both a time for repentance and a time for thanks," intones the mayor. I have twenty slips in the bowl. Twenty.  
Then he reads the list of past District 12 victors. In  
seventy-four years, we have had exactly two. Only one is  
still alive. Haymitch Abernathy, a paunchy, middle-aged  
man, who at this moment appears hollering something  
unintelligible, staggers onto the stage, and falls into the  
third chair after trying to give Effie a hug and put her pink hair into a frenzy. He's drunk. Very.  
The mayor looks distressed. Since all of this is being  
televised, right now District 12 is the laughingstock of  
Panem, and he knows it. He quickly tries to pull the attention back to the reaping by introducing Effie Trinket.  
Bright and bubbly as ever, Effie Trinket trots to the  
podium and gives her signature, "Happy Hunger Games!  
And may the odds be ever in your favor!" Her pink hair must be a wig because her curls have shifted slightly offcenter since her encounter with Haymitch. She goes on a bit  
about what an honor it is to be here, although everyone  
knows she's just aching to get bumped up to a better district where they have proper victors, not drunks who molest you in front of the entire nation.  
Through the crowd, I spot Gale looking back at me  
with a ghost of a smile. As reapings go, this one at least has  
a slight entertainment factor. But suddenly I am thinking of  
Gale and his forty-two names in that big glass ball and how  
the odds are not in his favor. Not compared to a lot of the  
boys. And maybe he's thinking the same thing about me  
because his face darkens and he turns away. I have twenty. "But there are  
still thousands of slips," I wish I could whisper to him.  
It's time for the drawing. Effie Trinket says as she  
always does, "Ladies first!" and crosses to the glass ball with  
the girls' names. She reaches in, digs her hand deep into the  
ball, and pulls out a slip of paper. The crowd draws in a  
collective breath and then you can hear a pin drop, and I'm  
feeling nauseous and so desperately hoping that it's not me,  
that it's not me, that it's not me.  
Effie Trinket crosses back to the podium, smoothes the  
slip of paper, and reads out the name in a clear voice. And  
it's not me.  
It's Primrose Everdeen.


	16. Chapter 16- the reaping- Peeta

_**16 year old Peeta's pov**_

I wake up in habit. At 6:00 am every morning for the last eight years. I slowly roll out of bed put my black pants, white shirt, and black boots that I wear everyday. Then head down to the cement lunchroom, filled with depressed, sad, angry children. I wait in line, type in my number and wait for the slop to come out. It has all the minerals, supplements proteins, vitamins and things like that, it tastes horrible.

I take my assigned seat next to two kids, one of girl of thirteen and one boy of seventeen. Kids have no friends here. Children's pasts are too traumatic. The unknown man who rules this place does not allow speaking. Does not allow friendships, relationships. Not that I want any besides Katniss. _Katniss._ It's been so long… does she even remember? It was so long ago that she could've easily forgotten. We were young. I hope her and her family are well. The children here have no news of what goes on in the outside world, besides the Hunger Games that Is. I am just grateful she's never been called. Katniss is the one who gets me through the day. Because maybe, someday, I'll see her again, when I'm out of this evil place.

After breakfast we return to our rooms on Reaping day. The one day we don't work on hauling boulders, farming, or chopping wood, we do many things in the orphanage.

I sit in my room and think. Think of Katniss. Even though the ache in my heart hurts. Even though my mind tells me to forget her. How can I? The love of my life? I'm sure she's forgotten me. Has a boyfriend. A new best friend. A man who she intends on marrying. But I will love her from afar.

The alarm that sounds in every room is the sound telling you to file into the front yard at eleven. It takes two hours to reach town. Surrounded by peacekeepers. And stuck inside a large building next to the square, that's heavily guarded but with a few shuffle of feet an easy pathway to the stage.

Every reaping I've tried to look for Katniss. Every reaping failed.

I silently ask for her well being. Hope that she doesn't get picked. Pray with all my heart and love that Katniss won't get picked.

The mayor stands up, says some things, plays the Treaty of Treason and then Haymitch staggers on stage.

I tune out until.

"Ladies first!" squeaks Effie Trinket.

 _Please. Not Katniss. Please don't say Katniss Everdeen. Please._

I hold my breath. Preparing for the worst.

"Primrose Everdeen!"

 _Primrose? Everdeen? Katniss, EVERDEEN? no not primrose._ Her sister. Katniss's sister.

And then I see her.

Katniss. My Katniss.

Running up to prim in a beautiful blue dress. Her hair styled up. How could I not recognise her.

"Prim!" she scream.

 _Oh how I longed to hear her voice…_

Her voice is so full of panic as if they can't hear her as so full of determination it makes my gut clench and also I recognize prize. She is still the strong girl I once new.

"I volunteer! I volunteer as tribute!"

And then everything comes crashing down.

Yes. I know she would have never let her sister go. Ever. She loves her too much. Her heart is still so full of love.

 _My love. Is leaving me once again._

She stands on the stage. I'm vaguely aware of everyone putting their three middle fingers of their left hand to their lips. Giving respect. To someone they love. Saying goodbye. But I. Will. Not. Let. Her. Die.

I see the drunk Haymitch Abernathy stumble up to her and throw his arm around her. I don't listen to his words as he does this. How much I want to wrap my arms around her… Haymitch then takes a nose dive off the stage. I look only at Katniss though. She looses her composionn for a second and a strangled noise escapes her throat. Oh how badly I want to jump up their and embrace her in a hug.

My thoughts are swirling.

And I almost miss it.

"Peeta Mellark!"


	17. Chapter 17-reunions and goodbyes

_**Katniss's pov**_

"Peeta Mellark!"

 _Peeta. Peeta Mellark._

 _No. It can't be real…_

 _All of the memories come rushing to me._

 _What are the odds?_

 _No Peeta…_

 _I could never kill him._

 _I thought he was dead_

 _How will we go into the Games?_

 _Does this even matter at the moment?_

 _No._

 _It doesn't._

 _Right now Peeta matters._

 _Only him._

 _Only me._

 _Because we've been kept apart, forced away from each other for eight years._

 _It's like my father returning from the dead._

 _No._

 _It's Peeta returning from the dead._

 _Only, he wasn't dead._

 _He's alive!_

I see him. Walk in a daze towards the stage. His eyes on the floor.

 _My Peeta…_

I feel tears prick my eyes. I couldn't cry. It shows weakness. But volunteering to die for your sister is one thing, but seeing your best friend, your first love in eight years who you thought was dead, that is completely different.

He mounts the steps and is three feet away when he finally, finally, looks into my eye.

I gasp. They're his eyes. Ocean blue, sky blue, azure blue, cobalt blue. Every blue.

"K-kat-Katniss?" his voice, still so gentle and kind. His strong jaw, broad chest, tall figure.

 _It is Peeta._

"P-Peeta?"

I'm sure everyone knows in the district what's happening right now. We can hear a groan from the audience. They all know. Most adults anyway. What happened to the bakery.

"I-I thought you were-were dead." I choke, biting back my tears.

"I-I'm here n-now." his eye have tears in them as well.

Before I know it I fling myself into his arms, and they wrap around me instantly. A strangled sob escapes me. I feel his strong, steady hands stroke my hair, hear him say soothing words, I hear Effie gasp at us, ( _but what they don't know is the microphone picking up on their entire conversation… hehe)_ "I've missed you so much." his voice is raspy.

"I've missed you to." I sob. I don't care about what the audience thinks. I've got Peeta. Even though right when I get him he's going go to be snagged away. I. Won't. Let. That. Happen. "W-what happened to you?" I cry.

"They-they t-took me to the o-orphanage," I feel a hot tear drip on my head, "and we weren't aloud to leave. But Katniss, I never forgot you, you

were the only thing that gave me the will to do anything."

 _He still loves me…_

"I never forgot you either… that day… i-i-i could never forget. Ever. I never forgot you. After you got taken, I d-didn't know what to do with my life." I stutter.

I can feel the heat radiating off of him. Surely every single person in Panem are watching it. Surly everyone besides the capital that when it comes to an orphanage, you are not seen until you're an adult.

I feel rough hands grab my shoulders and pull us apart. _Peacekeepers._

"Peeta!" I say frantically trying to grab onto his hand.

"Katniss…" we get ushered into different rooms to say our goodbyes.

I stroke the velvet couch fighting off my tears, my head spinning.

 _He's alive…_

 _After all this time hes aliv-_

My train off thought ends when the door bursts open and I see a flash of blonde and prim's already on top of of me. Like when she were little. I start to tell them all the things they need to survive. Prim is not to take any tesserae. They can get by if they're careful, prim can milk her goat for cheese and milk, mother has her apothecary business for the seam people. Gale will bring her herbs that she doesn't grow but she has to be careful to describe them to him because he doesn't know them as well as I do. He will also bring them game-just like I'd do if he were in my situation- he won't ask for anything in return but they should offer him something any ways like food or medicine. When I'm down about fuel, trading, and staying in school I turn to my mother and grip hes arm, hard. "Listen to me. Are you listening to me? You can't leave again."

My mothers eyes find the floor. "I know. I won't. I couldn't help what-"

"Well you have to help it this time. You can't clock out and leave prim on her own. There's no me to keep you both alive. It doesn't matter what happens. Whatever you see on the screen. You have to promise me you'll fight through it!" all my fear of abandonment is causing me to shout.

My mother yanks her arm back. "I was I'll. I could've treated myself if I had the medicine I had now."

Perhaps the I'll part was true but she didn't have to leave us. "Then take it! And take care of her!"

"I'll be alright Katniss." Prim says clasping my face in her hands, "But you have to take care to. Your so fast and brave. Maybe you can win."

I can't win. And yes a lot of it is also because of the competition and the brute strength the carers will have. But the reason I know I can't win is because if I live that means Peeta dies and that simply cannot happen.

"Maybe," I say because I know I don't have the heart to tell then I have already given up. Mother must remember Peeta? "Then we'd be as rich as Haymitch."

"I don't care if we're rich. I just want you to come home. You will try, won't you? Really, really try?" prim asks.

How? How can I lie to her? "Prim," I say softly. I look up into her blue eyes filling with tears.

"Please Katniss? Who's Peeta Mellark?"

"Do you remember when you were really little? When dad was still alive? You were only four then…. So young I doubt you remember. But Peeta was my best friend. My first lo-" my breath catches and I find almost impossible to continue, "love." I say barely audible. "He was my first and only love." My eyes are filed with tears and I look into hers it's the same. Even my mothers. "And then his bakery burned down… and he was taken away to an orphanage and I never saw him again."

"Until now?" she asks.

"Until now." I confirm.

"But you'll try. To get at least one of you home?"

"Of course! Of course Prim." I smother her in a hug and then there's peacekeepers at the door telling us our time is up. We're hugging and I'm saying, "I love you. I love you both."

 _ **Next**_

My next guest is unexpected. Madge walks straight to me. She is not weepy or evasive, instead there's an urgency about her tone that surprises me. "They let you wear one thing from your district into the arena. One thing to remind you of home. Will you wear this?" she holds out the circular gold pin that was on her dress this earlier. I haven't paid much attention to it before, but now I see it's a small bird in flight.

"Your pin?" I say. Wearing a token from my district is about the last thing on my mind.

"Here, I'll put it on your dress, all right?" Madge doesn't wait for an answer, she just leans in and fixes it to my dress. "Promise you'll wear it into the arena, Katniss?" She asks. "Promise?"

"Yes." A pin and a kiss on the check is what Madge gives me before she leaves. Maybe she was my friend all along.

Finally, Gale is here and maybe there's nothing romantic between us, but when he opens his arms I don't hesitate to go into them. But I can't help but compare him to Peeta. His body his familiar to me the same way Peetas is still after all this time-the way it moves, the smell of wood smoke- Peetas still the lingering smell that was impossible to get rid of: cinnamon and baked goodies. The sounds of their hearts. They are both muscled, Peeta slightly more but Gale still taller.

"Listen," he says. "Getting a knife should be pretty easy, but you've got to get your hands on a bow. That's your best chance."

"They don't always have bows,"

"Then make one," Gale says, "even a weak bow is better than no bow at all."

"I don't even if know if they'll be would." one year they tossed everyone into a landscape of bolders and bushes.

"There's almost always some wood," Gale says. "Since that year half of them died of cold. Not much entertainment in that."

"Yes, there's usually some," I say.

"Katniss, it's just hunting, your the best hunter I know."

 _I'm the only hunter you know_.

"It's not just hunting. They're armed. They think." I say.

"So do you. And you've had more practice. Real practice. You know how to kill."

"Not people."

"How different can it be, really?"

There's a long silence and then Gale looks at me strangely. "What's with the Mellark kid?"

I shift uncomfortably. Gale and Peeta don't go well together in one sentence.

"Katniss…"

I never told Gale about Peeta. Ever. Now it seems I need to.

"I-um-he was my best friend when I was really little… until his bakery burned down…" I stutter.

Gale eyes me wearily, "Your best friend?"

 _Oops…_

He swallows hard, "Is that all he is?"

I shuffle my feet, ummm…

All the sudden peacekeepers are at the door but Gale asks for more time but they don't allow it.

"Don't let them starve!" I cry out.

"I won't! You know I won't! Katniss, remember I lo-" _i lo? What?_ I'll never remember what he was trying to say.

It's a short ride to the train station. I've never ridden in a car before, barely ridden in wagons.

I have to wipe my face clear of emotions because the place is just swimming with cameras. Although I can't help but brighten when I see him. Peeta. You can easily tell he's been crying. I just want to run up and hug him. But then again the odds are never really in our favor….

We are rushed to our rooms, but right now all I want to do is be with Peeta.

When I walk in the room I gasp at it. _Wow._ It's huge, with magnificent couches, rugs, a giant bed, a bathroom, everything. I take a shower, and change into nice black pants and a dark green shirt. Pinning my gold mockingjay to it.

I walk into the room and stare at the amazing food placed for us. If it wasn't for Peeta sitting at the table I would've eaten it all up.

But when I see him. His curly blonde hair, his sky blue eyes, and his white smile. Nothing in the world exist.

Our eyes lock on each other. He stands up, his chair screeching backwards, ignoring the curious stares from Effie and the capital attendants he embraces me.

His warm arms wrap around me. And I sink into his warmth, taking in the smell that he never got rid of, cinnamon.

"I missed you so much." he whispers into my hair.

"I missed you to." i clutch his shirt in my hands, "I never thought i'd see you again."

His arms tighten, "It's okay Katniss… I'm never letting you go again.

It is hard not to laugh at that. I mean we're meant to kill each other. But I don't laugh, I just listen to his words, trying to remember the days of us being kids.

"I never want you to." I say barely audible.

His head is hidden by my hair, I can feel the heat radiating off the spot where his lips are touching my neck.

"Katniss, Peeta? You should eat." Effie says in a sing song voice that we ignore.

How could she know? A lady from the capital that is so covered with makeup she doesn't even look real? How could she know the pain of losing someone? The pain and rejoice at seeing your best friend after eight long years? She couldn't know. And she most likely never will.

Finally, because of Effie's annoying comments and saying we have no manners we sit down, next to each other, holding hands, never wanting to let go.

Half way through our amazing dinner, Haymitch stumbles into the room after we were having a conversation about him keeping us alive. He throws up and passes out.

Effie runs out of the room and we help him to his shower.

"Katniss, I got it. It's fine go to bed." Peeta says.

And no matter how much I don't want to clean and strip a drunk Haymitch I don't want to leave Peeta's side, no matter how strong and stubborn and hostile I've become, I'm not leaving him again.

"I want to stay with you."

His eyes soften at this, "I don't want you to either but I know you don't want to deal with him."

Always the kind Peeta, "'I can get one of the capital attendants."

"No," he says sternly, "I don't want their help."

I understand that, but we can always make them suffer. "Why don't we just leave it to them? Let them take care of the drunk?"

His smile turns mischievous, but turns genuine again, "Despite the fact that that offer is very tempting I have it Katniss."

"Okay..." I say disappointed.

"'ll see you after." he says.

"Okay."

With his promise I make my way to my room and get ready for bed.

I hear a soft knock on the door and go open it.

There he is, with his teeth flashing white in the darkness.

"Hey." he says softly.

"Hi." I step aside and let him enter my room.

"How did stripping and washing Haymitch down go?" I ask.

"Eh, good enough." he grins, the grin I love to see, the grin I've longed for for eight long years, the grin I want to see every second of everyday for the rest of my life.

"That's... good." I'm not very well at small talk even with Peeta.

He seems to see my struggle and starts a new conversation after us sitting on the bed, "Katniss?" his voice is soft, "Can you tell me what has happened? You know? Since I've been gone?"

 _Oh. Peeta wants to know… He wants to know about what happened to me. He doesn't know about my dad… about my mother… about, anything._ I shift uncomfortably on the soft mattress, "I Uh, m- my life was pretty hard… I um, I…" how do I say this? Peeta looks at me with a kind smile, urging me to go on, I believe any of his smiles could do the impossible. "My father… when I was e-eleven, he-he died in the mine explosion… a-and" I take a deep breath, realizes the tears leaking down my face, so does Peeta because he brings me into a tight hug. He leans back, pulling me down with him and allowing my head to rest on his chest. I can hear his steady heartbeat, I can feel the muscles underneath his shirt, feel the rise and fall of his chest.

"I'm so so so sorry Katniss." I breathed, "I wish I could've been there for you…"

 _No. No. No. Peeta is blaming himself?_ "Peeta." he reluctantly meets my gaze, "There's nothing you could've done. Nothing. It wasn't your choice to be taken away. I'm just glad you're here now." I am about to stop, but something makes me say more. The truth. No matter how embarrassing it is. "I'm glad you're here with me. You're the only reason I'm still surviving this far." the words slip out of my mouth.

His arms wrap around me and I can't help the tingling sensation where our skin touches. "Katniss you are the most amazing girl I have ever met. You could survive anything."

My thoughts wander to how I _can't_ lose him again. How he has to live. he _needs_ to live. Has to. For me.

"Peeta?" I whisper.

"Yeah?"

"I can't lose you. Not again."

Now he knows. He sits up, grabs my arms, and sits me in front of him. His face expression is serious. "Katniss…" he has a warning tone. "Where are you going with this?"

I sigh, "You have to live. Not m-" he cuts me off.

"No Katniss." his voice sounds deadly. "You. You are going to live. Not me. I've already made up my mind from the second I was called. You live. Not me."

"If you haven't noticed I've already made up my mind to!" my voice is raised, _but how could it not be? He's expecting me to kill him? Or let him die? Not happening._ I lower my voice. "If you expect me to… to… let you die, you're crazy."

"Katniss? Please?" His eyes are begging. And no matter how much I want to give into them I can't. I can't. Normally, if it were me living, I'd distance myself, not wanting to get attached. But I'm not going to live. That's Peeta's job. To live. To stay alive. And right now my emotions are getting the better of me because I want to just spend every ounce of my time with him. But again, that's not happening.

"Can we just not talk about this tonight?" I ask before I hear a loud knock on the door. Our heads swings towards it. _Uh oh… I wonder how this is gonna look…_ peeta. In bed with me. _Crap._

I gruff voice comes through, "What's going on in there?" _Haymitch._

I look at Peeta, "Trying to sleep…"

"By yourself?"

 _Crap_

"Yes?" it comes out more of a question than anything else. _Gosh I suck at lying._

"Really? So if I went over to Peeta's room I'd find him fast asleep?" I can just hear the amusement in his voice.

I sigh, "Come on!"

The door swings open and there's a drunk looking Haymitch smirking at us. "You to gonna be able to sleep tonight? Or. You know? Gonna be… _busy?"_

 _Oh God._

"No!" my voice comes out a lot louder than a wanted it to. Like a lot louder.

I feel Peeta's grip loosen.

Haymitch puts his hands up in defeat, "Okay, Okay. Just checking in. I'll leave you to alone."

He Is about to shut the door when Peeta stands up and the sudden shock of his warmth gone almost makes me gasp. Almost.

"We were just talking." he walks closer to the door.

"Oh were you now?" Haymitch asks smiling.

"Yes and we're done now."

I can't help but let my disappointment settle in.

"I'll see you to your room." he gestures outside.

"I'll see you later Katniss."

But right before he closes the door I catch a wink.

Twenty minutes later a hear the door creak open. I see his silhouette slowly romp towards my bed, "Katniss?"

"Yeah?"

"I came to say goodnight." I see a small smile and he turns around slowly.

I sit up, take a hold of his hand and pull him down.

Soon I fall asleep listening to his heartbeat.

"No manners! Or modesty!" I hear a hushed high pitched voice. Not really caring to try and make out what it's saying. Probably prim. I burrow further into my pillow.

I hear a huff of air and a gruff voice. Most likely Gale.

"Katniss up."

I wrap my arms around another pillow, "Prim just five more minutes" I know I need to hunt but I feel so warm and comfy.

I hear a laugh, "Sweetheart you know there are cameras and bugs in every room right?"

 _Huh? Cameras? Bugs? Sweet heart?_ I open my eyes and see Haymitch, Effie, and two capital attendants looking down on me.

Everything in the past twenty four hours rushed to the surface of my brain. My eyes grow wide. I slowly look next to me and see Peetas sleeping form. That was not a pillow.

 _I wonder how this must look?_

"Peeta?" I whisper. He doesn't move. "Peeta wake up." I say a bit louder. He groans and tightens his arms around me. "Pettaaaaa." I don't want to wake him up, he looks so peaceful but it's so awkward with four people staring at us.

His eyes finally flutter open. He doesn't notice the other people in the room, just me. He smiles at me so lovingly that I can't do anything but return it.

"Hello Mrs Mellark."

My eyes grow wide, one because of the people watching us, two because he remembers it. Our wedding when we were little.

"You remember that?"

"How could I not? It was the day you became my wife." he smiles wider.

For the moment everything else doesn't matter. Just me and Peeta.

"You have an incredible memory." I tell him.

"I remember everything about you. You were the one who wasn't paying attention."

"I was." I reply softly. Staring deep into his crystal blue eyes.

"Well I didn't have much competition back then."

 _What? He never had competition even when he was gone._

"You don't have any competition. Anywhere."

And then he starts to lean in when we hear a cough. We Jump apart, flying off the bed. Which makes Haymitch laughing like crazy and Effie saying, "It's not appropriate to allow a boy in your bed Katniss." she glares at Peeta but I can see a hint of a smile etched into her scowl.


	18. Chapter 20-the capital

_**Katniss pov**_

When we get to breakfast Haymitch has a huge smirk on his face while drinking his alcohol. I sit next to Peeta across the table from Haymitch and Effie. Peetas dunking a role in a dark liquid. One is next to my plate. I stare at it questionably, it looks like coffee which I don't like the bitter taste.

Peeta sees my look, "They call it hot chocolate, it's good."

I take a sip and fall inn love. It tastes like heaven. I completely forget about all my other food and drink my entire cup. I hear Peeta give a chuckle.

"What?" I snap.

"Your just so cute."

I blush immediately. _What? Why would he say that?_ To try and change the subject I look at Haymitch who looks to be nursing a hangover. "So, your supposed to keep us alive?"

"Yeah, stay alive!" he starts laughing.

Me and Peeta share a look. "That's real funny," he lashes out and knocks the bottle out of Haymitch's hand, "only not to us." Haymitch try's to strike out but Peeta easily catches his wrists. Peeta releases his grip only to Haymitch to reach for another bottle of spirits, I grab a knife and barely miss his finger by a centimeter.

"Can you hit any thing else with that knife?"

I yank it out of the wooden table and throw it across the room. I was just looking for a solid stick but instead it launched it self between two panels, making me look better than I really am.

"Well did I actually get a pair of fighters this year? Stand over there." Haymitch orders.

He starts walking around us, "Well your good looking enough, seem fit." he stops in front of us. "Okay, you stay away from my drinking and I'll stay sober enough to keep you alive."

"Fine. When we reach the cornucopia what's-" I start.

"One thing at a time, well be pulling into the capital any minute. You'll be handed off to your stylists. They're going to do things your not gonna like. Don't resists."

"But-"

He slams his hand on the table, "No buts, you agreed to listen to me. Don't resist."

With that he saunters off. Our car is all the sudden engulfed in darkness. We must be in the tunnel before we reach the capital. Then white light floods through the train. Me and Peeta can't hold it back any more. We run to the window and see the candy capital buildings, streets, cars, and the ridiculous people. They start waving and taking pictures once they realize it's a tribute train coming in. Peeta starts waving and smiling.

"Katniss wave."

I just shake my head. Peeta looks back at me with a dazzling smile. "Come on, maybe one of 'em is rich." he then entertains his fingers with mine and waves with our hands.


	19. Chapter 18-the girl who keeps me going

_**Thank You so much for the reviews!**_

 _ **Peeta's pov**_

This sucks.

I have to be cleaned and scrubbed like an annoying capital pet.

I do not like being seen naked. It's very uncomfortable. And I'm constantly worrying about Katniss. Well I wouldn't say worry… I am more jealous. No not jealous that came out wrong I just don't like the thought of another man looking at her undressed.

Finally when my stylists a person so far I've seen that actually looks human. I've never seen her before and I believe she's new, which if she is then that makes since, her being sent to twelve and all. So I ask ask and my suspicions are confirmed but then surprised when she said they _wanted_ District Twelve.

But every single bad thing comes rushing to my brain, trying to suffocate me in it when she says our out fits are of _fire._

I hate fire. From the very first burn I got when I was working the ovens, to my mother hitting me with a frying pan so hot it was red, to the fire destroying my bakery, and killing my family.

Portia must see the look of dread on my face because she instantly add's, "Of course it isn't real fire. Just synthetic."

That doesn't help though. Not at all. She doesn't know. How could she? How could she know that it runs so much deeper? I start to remember. Everything. It is as if I can feel the heat. The flames surrounding my bakery.

The images are smothering me. I can't breath. I can faintly hear the frantic calls of Portia.

She doesn't know. No one here knows in this God forsaken place! No one!

 _But Katniss. Katniss…_ I conjure up an image of her. Her soft pink lips I almost kissed this morning. Her amazing grey eyes. Her tan olive skin. Her long dark hair. Katniss. The girl I swore to protect with my life.

 _My Beautiful Girl._

 _ **Sorry it's short**_


	20. Chapter 19-tribute parade

_**Thank you for your reviews!**_

 _ **Katniss pov**_

"How do you feel about fire?"

 _Fire?_

 _Fire…_

 _Uh oh._

 _Peeta._

 _Not good…_

"Ummm…. Well Peeta, my district partner uhhh, I'm not sure he's able to be around fire.. When he was younger… something happened..." of course I don't want to burn to death either…

Cinna let's out a chuckle, "It's not actual fire, just synthetic."

That didn't help but I just smile.

Maybe going naked is the better way…

I'm standing next to the coal black horses in a black jumpsuit and a red, orange, and yellow cape, and headdress. I feel a pressure lift off my shoulders when I see Peeta and his stylists come walking towards us. All of the prep team starts babbling and everyone praises Cinna and Portia.

Peeta immediately comes to me and we walk a few feet away from everybody else.

"Hi." he says softly, holding my forearms.

"Hi." I stare into his crystal blue eyes. "How are you dealing with the thought of fire?"

"I'll pull off your cape if you'll pull off mine."

"Deal." Maybe, if we can get them off soon enough, well avoid the worst burns. "I know we promised Haymitch we'd do exactly what he said, but I don't think he'd considered this angle."

Peeta then looks around. "Where's Haymitch anyway? Isn't he supposed to protect us from this sorta thing?"

"With all that alcohol in him, it's probably not advisable to have him around an open flame,"

Now we're laughing and then the music starts blaring. When it's almost our turn Cinna and Portia arrange us onto the chariot.

"Okay, here we go then." before we can protests Cinna lights my cape and head dress with a torch. I get ready for the heat but just feel tingling. "It works." Cinna breaths. _He didn't know it was going to work?_ Then he lights Peeta on fire who grows stiff but relaxes once it's done. I know just looking at fire is traumatizing for him. "Remember heads high. Smiles. You'll do great!" he hops off. Cinna starts hollering up at us but I can't hear do to the blasting music.

"What he'd say?" I ask.

"I think he wants us to hold hands." Peeta says.

Immediately our hands find each other and Cinna nods and gives us a thumbs up. Next thing I know we're moving.

 _Heads high. Smiles._ Cinnas words echo in my head as we pass through the giant doors. We're surrounded by thousand capital people who are going chaotic screaming and cheering. My hold on Peeta tightens. He gives me a charming smile and that's when I look at him. Like really look at him.

His blonde curls fall underneath his headdress and the fire light up his blue eyes. His strong jaw, broad shoulders, about a head taller than me. He was dazzling.

I want to say something but nothing comes out. Peeta looks at me with an odd expression as his eyes roam my face. He then bends down and catches a red rose, handing it to me.

"For you."

"Thank you." I accept the rose and smile.

We smile and save at the audience, I blow kisses and actually catch a rose and blow a kiss back to that place in general. A hundred hands reach out to grab my kisses.

A little bit later do I notice I'm clutching Peetas hand where it will fall off. I try and let go but he gets a better hold on my hand. "No, don't let go of me," he says. The fire light flickering off his blue eyes. "Please, I might fall out off this thing."

"Okay." I don't mind holding his hand. The whole time it's been my anchor, to steady me. His presence has comforted me. But still… if I hadn't already vowed to keep him alive I would want to stay as far away as possible. I can't lose him. Not again.

When we finally are in the training center I see the other tributes giving us dirty looks. One tribute the boy from district 2 I think gives me a death glare I'm about to send one right back when Peeta steps in front of me. I see him look at the boy with the worst scowl and only scowl I've ever seen on Peeta. His face is saying a million things but one stands out. _I will kill you if you touch her._ I gulp. Peeta is not the same boy who got dragged away when we were little. And it breaks my heart.

After me and Peeta are are left alone next to the chariot do I realize I'm still glued to his hand. I force my stiff fingers open and we massage our hands.

"Thanks for keeping hold of me. I was getting a little shaky there,"

 _Peeta shaky? Ha!_ "It didn't show. I'm sure no one noticed."

"I'm sure no one noticed anything but you. You should wear flames more often. They suit you." And then he gives me a smile that seems genuinely sweet and just a touch of shyness that an unexpected warmth goes through me.

I am horrible at taking comments so I look up into his sweet blue eyes and tip toe and plant a kiss on his check.


	21. Chapter 21-dinner

_**Peeta's pov**_

I am whisked off to my room that I'll use staying here and I'm sure i have most stupidest grin on face. She kissed me! Well on the cheek, but still! I can still feel the burning sensation her lips left.

I listen to Effie ramble on about sponsors and diamonds and behind all that thick paint I believe there's someone who truly cares.

I take shower and carefully press the many buttons. Then I tell machine a pair of clothes, black pants and light Orange shirt. Then I wait for Effie to call me to dinner.

My room is huge. Everything magnificent, the bed is giant and fluffy. The showers have a million buttons, and then you can speak whatever you desire into a microphone and food appears there in a minute, hot and steamy. It's wrong. While capital people can get anything they want, in the districts their starving. This food is so different from what I've had my whole life. When I was younger it was stale bread and then slop in the group home. I'm not complaining but all this rich food is making me sick. I almost threw up the train.

I finally get up and go to super early.

China, Portia, and Effie are already there. Effie goes to get Katniss while the stylists and I go onto the balcony.

"So Peeta… you and Katniss seem to have a… past." Portia starts.

"Yeah, um.. We were… Friends…." usually it's not hard come up with things to say, but Katniss and i are a touchy subject. I'm just glad I have her back. And I'll be damned if she thinks she's dieing. I haven't thought of anything besides her for the last eight years. She needs to home to her sister, her mother. She needs to go home and find herself a husband. No matter how painful that is to think about.

"Can you tell us?" Cinna asks softly.

 _Can I? I don't know… So far they're the only normal capitol citizens. I like them. I can trust them._

"We were best friends since kindergarten. Until… until… my-my family's bakery burned…" images flash behind eyelids, "and was taken to an orphanage. For-for the next eight years. The reaping was the first time I've seen her in-in eight years." I finish a whisper.

"Oh Peeta… I'm sorry." Portia says.

I manage to give her small sad smile.

Then Cinna surprises me with his next question, "Do you love her?" He asks calmly.

I'm sure I'm the color of a tomato right now. _Was it that easy to tell?_ "Umm… Uh-" I chuckle nervously, "What-what makes you think that?"

They now both have smirks on their faces. _The same one Mr Everdeen had…_ "Well it's completely obvious! The way you two stare into each other's eyes… the way you smile at each other… it's easy to tell your in love."

 _No. Katniss isn't in love with me. We were when were little. But that was a long time ago. She probably has a boyfriend… yes she is trying to save my life, but that's because we're friends._

"Katniss doesn't love me."

Portia stares at me gaping, "You're oblivious! Any one can see she's in love with you! How coul-" she gets cut off by Effie and Katniss walking into the room. We step into the dining room.

And Katniss. Oh she's always so beautiful. Her long dark braid, olive skin, and her stormy silver eyes. She's beautiful…

I stare into her eyes and she doesn't break eye contact.

"A hem!" Our heads snap to Effie. She has a scowl her face, but behind her i see the stylists smirking. "Manners."

"Oh right sorry, how are you?" I ask looking between them.

"Hmp! Better. We're good Peeta. And you?"

"Great." bedside point that a in a few weeks twenty three children will be dead.

I look back at Katniss now. Her cheeks have turned a light shade pink. Adorable. "Hey katniss."

"Hi Peeta."

Now it's back to our staring contest. Oh how much i want to go to her and wrap my arms around her. How badly I want to press my lips to hers. I imagine how soft they would be. How-

"Dinner!" Effie's sing song voice says.

We sit down and I secretly grab Katniss's hand under the table. She gives me a smile that warms my heart.

Haymitch comes in as soon as the foods being served. Surprisingly sober. It seems the stylists have an effect on our mentor and escort.

Servants in white bring out steaming glasses of wine which I decline. Then I try and focus on the meal and make small talk. Mushroom soup, bitter greens with tomatoes the size of peas, rare roast beef sliced as thin as paper, noodles in a green sauce, cheese that melts on your tongue served with sweet blue grapes. The servers, all young people dressed in white tunics like the one who gave others wine, move wordlessly to and from the table, keeping the platters and glasses full.

We chitchat about the interview and costumes until a young lady sets an elegant looking cake on the table that is on fire. Katniss has worry etched on her face, "What makes it burn? Is it alcohol?" She say, looking up at the girl. "That's the last thing I wa - oh! I know you!"


	22. Chapter 22-Capital dinner

_Katniss pov_

"What makes it burn? Is it alcohol?" I say, looking at the girl. "That's the last thing I wa - Oh! I know you!" I most definitely do. I just can't remember from where…

The redhead girl shakes her head frantically and hurries away.

All eyes on me.

"Oh Katniss. How would know an avox? Don't be preposterous! It's simply impossible!" Effie screeches.

"What's an avox?" I ask stupidly.

"An avox is criminal. The capital cut their tongue out so they couldn't speak." Haymitch says while buttering roll.

 _Criminal?_

 _Criminal._

 _Criminal._

The word echoes my mind.

Then my blood runs cold.

Oh yes. I remember.

I was her last hope.

And no one forgets that.

Just like Peeta is my hope.

The memory comes flooding back.

~~~ _**flashback~~~**_

 _ **I lay next to Peeta. He's sleeping. Muttering things. He hasn't come back yet. He's still lost himself. Numb. He's right next to yet so far away…**_

 _ **He's muttering getting louder.**_

" _ **No. No. No!"**_

 _ **He starts shake. I see tears straining to get out of his closed lids.**_

" _ **Katniss!" He all but screams waking up father, mother, and prim. I shake Peeta, trying wake him.**_

" _ **Peeta!"**_

 _ **Why won't wake?!**_

 _ **He's screaming now. My name. Why?!**_

" _ **Katniss! No! Katniss! Katniss!" he's sobbing.**_

 _ **I barely realize my own tears.**_

" _ **Peeta! Please wake up!" I shake him more. "Peeta!"**_

 _ **He bolts up into a sitting position.**_

" _ **Hey. It's gonna be all right. It just a dream. Your alright. It's okay." I sooth him.**_

 _ **He finally focuses in on my face. Then he grabs my cheeks in between his hands. "You-You're alive!"**_

 _ **Alive? Me? Is that what his nightmare about? Well he did say name… I thought maybe was because right next to him. Was I dead his dream?**_

 _ **A whole new emotion floods through which I can't recognize that sends into a fit of sobs.**_

" _ **Yes Peeta. I'm Alive. Your Alive."**_

 _ **We wrap our arms around each other. I let myself melt into his warmth.**_

" _ **I love you." he chokes out.**_

" _ **I love you too."**_

 _ **After settle down and relax the others embrace I ask the five words. These five words because I can't lose him again. He can't leave me. Abandon me. He can't numb because of the pain. I'll take care him. But in order for that he has to be here with me.**_

 _ **So it's these five words that ask.**_

" _ **Will you stay with me?"**_

 _ **It is then he tells me the answer. The one word that cling for the of my life.**_

" _ **Always."**_

 _ **~~~ flashback ends~~~**_

"Delly Cartwright!" Peeta snaps fingers bringing me back reality. "I thought she looked familiar too! Then it just came to me! She looks exactly like her. I think it's the hair."

One part of me is scared, another amused, and then also jealous. Why because first crap I'm probably in trouble. I shouldn't know her but of course I do. Second amused because, well because she looks nothing like Delly at all. Lastly because Peeta was friends with her when they we're kids… eight years ago. I push those thoughts away. Of course he remembers her. She was gorgeous. His best friend. Merchant anyway..

I jump on his idea any way. "That must be it. She just looks like Delly. Something about the eyes to."

"Oh well if that's all it is. And yes the cake had spirits on it but the fire burned it all off." Cinna says.

So that's how our dinner went. We went and watched the recaps of the tribute parade. Then when we were excused to go to bed. Peeta leaned on my door frame. Not really blocking the door but saying we needed to talk and truthfully I never wanted to stop talking. I'm so selfish. I'm going into the games and we're getting closer but at the end I'm going to die and he's going to be the one having to move on. Selfish. So, so, so selfish. I should stop ge-

Peeta's words snap me back, "Imagine finding Dellys look a like here?"

Our conversation ends with me mentally agreeing to tell Peeta the truth and him taking me to the roof.

 _ **I'm sorry it's been so long. It's probably taken three weeks to write just this chapter. I've been so busy with school, breaks, and my family coming down. I'll try and I update more. Next chapter I'll try and do all fluff!**_


	23. Chapter 23-the roof

_**Peeta's pov**_

"We were out in the woods one day." She started.

 _We? Her father?_

"You and your father?" I ask.

"No me and Gale."

 _Gale. I should've known… Was he the seam kid who picked up prim? He's probably her boyfriend. I guess I couldn't blame her… I want her to be happy. And maybe. When.. She comes home she can be happy with him. No matter how hard it hurts._

"That's when we saw it." Katniss's voice brings me back to the world. "A spear type thing came down and killed the boy. While a claw trapped the girl and she screamed something out. I think it was his name."

 _Oh Katniss… She should never have to go through anything like that. I wish I were there. To protect her. To keep her in my arms. I guess that's one other thing the capital took from us._

I step forward and bring her into a hug. I can tell she's shivering. I'm just not sure if it's from the cold or the story.

"I'm so sorry Katniss."

She pulls back with a confused look on her face. "For what?"

"Not being there for you." I know it's stupid to say, but I could've fought harde-

Katniss jumping out of my arms stops my train of though. I instantly miss her touch.

"How could you have been there? You have nothing to apologize for. Its the capital that should be sorry! Those pi-" she stops. Both our eyes wide. She swings her head around frantically. We both know between the wind and the chimes its hard to hear but she was pretty loud. "Don't you ever blame yourself. Do you got it?" She whispers harshly. When I don't answer she grabs my shoulders. "Peeta." her voice is soft, "Your family died, they… they took you away. That was not your fault. I could never imagine what your life was like. How hard it was to-to.. To have to endure all that."

I know Katniss had changed a lot. But one thing didn't. Her way with words. It was still horrible. I laughed on the inside but for an odd reason her words calmed me. I didn't blame my self as much.

Then again that only lasted for about a second.

"What I had to endure? Katniss? You were probably starving most the time! Your father died!" I keep my voice hushed. I know I should stop. Katniss flinched when I spoke of her dad. To state my thoughts her face turned into a scowl. "I would give anything to have been able to help you as much as you helped me! Don't you understand Katniss? Y-your all I have-have left… when my family died. You. You were there to get me out of my-my depression. After dad, mom, wheat, and rye you were _all_ I had. And then you had to go on your own when it was reversed. So let me pay you back." She doesn't get it. Nope now she does because she stomps away.

I follow behind hastily.

"Katniss wait i-"

We're to her door now when she whirls around, her braid slapping my face.

"How dare you?!" Katniss hisses.

"What?!" play dumb Peeta. Real smooth.

"How dare you try and use that crap on me?!" Katniss yells.

Dang. She's pissed now.

My anger is starting to rise to. I push it down. How could I get mad at Katniss? Okay well I'm not mad at Katniss I'm mad at how she's acting.

"Katniss." I force my voice to be soft. "I'm just saying the truth. You. You. Deserve to live. To go home. To go back to your boyfriend." I think I hallucinated the confusion on her face. "To get married and have children. To see your mother again." I save the most important for last. "To see-"

I'm about to finish when I notice the line of people. I gulp. There's Effie, Haymitch, five avoxes, two capital attendants. We made a crowd.

"Uh. Katniss?" I tip my chin up, she looks turns around and stumbles back into me. I catch her waist but she wiggles out.

Haymitch guffaws and claps loudly. He gets two scowls in return.

"Well that was quite a show!" Haymitch slurs. Drunk? Again? Typical. "Get to bed. Training's at ten." everyone dismisses. And me and Katniss are left there standing like idiots.

"This conversation isn't over Mellark."

I smile. Gosh I love her scowl.

"Course not Everdeen."

Another scowl.

I grin.

Her glare finally breaks into a small smile.

"Goodnight Peeta."

"Goodnight Katniss."

I wanted to sleep with her again. (not like that) But knew not to ask like this. I turn to leave when she catches my arm.

"Stay with me?"

I look into her deep, stormy, silver eyes.

How could I ever resist? How could I ever love someone as much as I love her?

I love her so much. And I want to tell her so bad. But it would be unfair. We're only friends and that's all it will ever be. But it doesn't mean I can't love her. It's simply impossible not to. I'm surprised she doesn't have thirty guys chasing her tail. But right now, even friends, she's mine. So I answer with the one word I always do. Because I will always love her.

"Always."


	24. Chapter 24-trying to end the impossible

_**Katniss pov**_

I wake up to warm sunlight coming through the windows.

I wake up enveloped in warm, steady arms.

Peeta's arms.

"Morning." I hear him mumble.

"Morning."

"Did you sleep well?"

"Yes. What about you?" How Could I tell him, even though we are being sent to the arena these last few days that I've slept in his arms have been the best since my dad's death? Since Peeta's disappearance?

"Great."

I can't… but I know I have to tell him. Tell him what I've been dreading. Ever since last night. I made my mind up before I fell asleep. I can feel the tightening of my chest, my throat constricting, my nose and eyes sting. I am about to cry. But I can't. I have to stay strong.

As if sensing, Peeta asks softly, "Katniss what's wrong?"

"Peeta." I start, but can't… I'm horrible with words… if I want him to live I've got to stop anything we have. "'We have to end it."

Peeta sits up and pulls me with him.

"Don't Katniss. Don't say that."

And it breaks my heart. I love him as much as prim. How could i not protect him with everything I am? I saved prim by volunteering to die. Now I'm saving another.

"Let me speak." I'm surprised at how steady and firm my voice is.

But Peeta's is better.

"No." he's standing now. "We're not having this discussion because it's _not_ ending. We just found each other Katniss. How would you want to give that up?"

I want to tell him I don't. I want to hug him. Curl up with him. Go home with him. Spend the rest of my life with him. But I can't. This is the Hunger Games. And that doesn't happen.

"It doesn't matter." I start.

"Of course it matters!" Peeta yells.

I'm standing now. My voice raising.

"No! It doesn't! Because whatever is between us or ever _was_ between us or whatever could be between us can't happen! One of us is going to die! And that's me!" _maybe even both of us will die…_

"If you think for one second you're dying you're crazy! I've waited eight years Katniss! Eight years! It was unbearable! And now, when I have a chance to save you, you think I'm gonna go live my life?" This is the harshest Peeta's ever been. I deserve it though. Let him rant. It will do him no good though because this is something he won't win.

"And how do you think I'll live? Huh? Do you think it was any worse for you?!" I shouldn't have said that. Of course it was worse, his parents died, he was sent away to hard labor, "I'm sorry… I didn't mean that-"

"No. You did. Your right. I missed you. But, but, it was different. You missed me, but not-not like I missed you." Peeta Mellark that ran out of words? What on earth? What does he mean? Different? How was it different?

"What?"

Peeta chuckles coldly. "You're so oblivious Katniss."

"How in any way did you miss me more than I missed you?" I sneer.

Peeta scoffs, "Katniss. Do you really not remember any of it? When we were kids? The wedding? Yes. I know we were kids but, do you really think I would stop loving you?"

 _ **I'm sorry it's been so long and the chapters are super short! I know there was all that cuddly stuff on the train and I forgot to put in where they watch all the reapings. I've been so busy with everything. And I apologize for not editing before and i made spelling mistakes. Thank you for all the reviews and everyone who's stuck with me so far! I want to thank-**_

 _ **TheRealPrimroseEverdeen**_

 _ **2nameless2write**_

 _ **Torunnaa.94**_

 _ **DamphiricDamphiricAngel2014**_

 _ **PraetorPraetorFable**_

 _ **MorningRose19**_

 _ **Lara**_

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 _ **Chocolatechis**_

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 _ **Nai1987**_

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 _ **Advancedpotionmakingoninsta**_

 _ **Jamiebear91**_

 _ **Kimbaleena2002**_

 _ **Tprimarie31**_

 _ **And the others who have no names. :-D**_

 _ **Thank you so much!**_


	25. Chapter 25-confession

_**Katniss pov**_

" _Katniss. Do you really not remember any of it? When we were kids? The wedding? Yes. I know we were kids but, do you really think I would stop loving you?"_

 _Love. Love. Love._

That word repeats itself in my head over and over again.

 _Love, love, love…_

I know I love him. But what kind of love is it? I will die for him but I'll die for prim to. Is it brother sister Love? Friend love? Like Gales? Or something more? Yes. I do remember we said we loved each other. But we were children. We didn't even know what love meant. Do I now? Nope. I have no idea. I realize Peeta is extremely handsome. Strong jaw, golden blonde hair, broad shouldered, tall -not as tall as Gale but still tall- and his beautiful blue eyes that are usually so soft, are cold at this moment.

What does it mean?

How do I think of him?

This is not a place or time to be thinking of this.

That's at home.

But I forgot.

I'm not going home. I already committed myself to Peeta. For his life. To repay him. To protect him. Because…

Because I love him.

But what kind?

What kind does _he_ mean?

Finally Peeta's voice shatters my thoughts. "Well? Say something."

How? How can I? He's the one who's good with words. Not me.

"What do you want me to say?" I ask, not liking how vulnerable I sound.

Peeta's face softens and he lightly pads over to me.

"Katniss. I-i understand. But you had to know. I couldn't not tell you and then go into the games. That's why it's different. Because I love you."

I'm standing in place. Looking into his deep blue eyes. Then what he said got through my thick skull.

I turn hostile.

"And you don't think I love you?" I ask angrily.

Peeta's face flashes confusion, hope? And then sadness.

"You really are oblivious…" he says barely above a whisper. "Katniss it's that kin-"

"A-hem!"

We both spin around on our heels and see yet another crowd.

Effie and Haymitch.

"Well, sorry to interrupt your little confession here but we need to talk, and you're late for breakfast." Haymitch smirks at us before walking out-did I imagine the hint of pity in his eye?-of the bedroom door that apparently magically opened.

Did I not lock it?

"How much did you hear Effie?" Peeta asks quietly.

She rings her hands together nervously. "Well, I came to your room Peeta and you didn't answer, and so I came here-" she says looking between us two, "and heard arguing, so I came to get Haymitch. I told him let us not eavesdrop but he opened the door… you were talking about how you were gone for eight years and waited." she says looking at Peeta. Then her expression of nervousness is replaced by pure sadness. She crosses her hand over her heart. "You two are the most precious things in the world." then her expression changes yet again and she cheerfully bounces up. "Now! Off we go! We can't be late! Punctual. We must be punctual."

I give one last look at Peeta before I follow Effie out of my room.

I wish I hadn't.

His face is the saddest it's ever been.

 _ **Thank you for all the reviews and everyone who's stuck with me so far! I want to thank-**_

 _ **TheRealPrimroseEverdeen**_

 _ **2nameless2write**_

 _ **Torunnaa.94**_

 _ **DamphiricDamphiricAngel2014**_

 _ **PraetorPraetorFable**_

 _ **MorningRose19**_

 _ **Lara**_

 _ **32sheshe**_

 _ **Chocolatechis**_

 _ **ChristinaSandoval21**_

 _ **Nai1987**_

 _ **Niqueesinger14**_

 _ **Sparkle130**_

 _ **Advancedpotionmakingoninsta**_

 _ **Jamiebear91**_

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 _ **Tprimarie31**_

 _ **FlyingFaeriesDance**_

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 _ **ThaliaFairbain**_

 _ **Infinitegraces**_

 _ **Jonasgrl9**_

 _ **Sweetbanana76**_

 _ **And the others who have no names. :-D**_

 _ **I apologize if I didn't name someone. Thank you so much!**_


	26. Chapter 26-arguement

_**I am so sorry! I know it's been so long and i apologize for not writing! I hope that you can forgive me! I'm so grateful for all of the followers and comments on my story that i just had to write. ❤**_

 _ **Katniss pov**_

I follow Effie down the hallway with Peeta following behind.

Why?

Why is this world so cruel? Why did me and Peeta have to be torn apart and then thrown together just to kill each other?

Because of the capital.

Because of the sadistic minds of those who enjoy watching children fight to the death. Because their sick.

And because of President Snow.

We are about to reach the dining room when Effie whirls around and screeches. "Oh my! You haven't showered Or dressed yet! It's already 9:02! Hurry hurry! Back to your rooms!

After I figure out how to work the showers I find the clothes Cinna must have laid out. Black trousers and a maroon tunic with leather boots. I braid my hair down my back like usual. I make my way down to the dining room to find everyone but Peeta's there already, I fill my plate with food, I load my plate with eggs, sausages, batter cakes covered in thick orange preserves, and slices of pale purple melon. As I gorge myself I watch as the sun rises over the capital. I have a second plate of hot grain smothered in beef stew. Finally, I fill a plate with rolls and dip them in hot chocolate the way Peeta did.

I look up when I hear the doors slide open and Peeta walks in. He is wearing the exact same thing as me. This twins act is going to blow up in our faces once the games begin. Yes, I want to save his life but we can't always be together or the same. _If only._

I'm nervous about the training. There will be three days in which all the tributes practice together. On the last afternoon, we'll each get a chance to perform in private before the Gamemakers. The thought of meeting the other tributes face-to-face makes me queasy.

After Haymitch is done eating he leans on his elbows, "So, let's get down to business. Training. First off, if you like, I'll coach you separately. Decide now."

"Why would you coach us separately?" I ask.

"Say if you had a secret skill you didn't want the other to know about," Haymitch says.

 _I don't know. I can't get any closer._

"I don't have any skills," Peeta says, "and I'm pretty sure I know yours, I went with you and your dad enough times to know that."

"I don't know." I look at Haymitch.

Peeta sighs, "katniss? Are you still mad at me? Because seriously i-"

"It has nothing to do with that." I cut him off harshly. "I just- I just"

What I want to say is I just got you and I'm not losing you. But I'm not good with my emotions and I'm definitely not saying that in front of Haymitch.

Barely above a whisper I hear Peeta, "it's okay. I understand," he looks up, right into my eyes, "it's only business. Nothing more. We're nothing."

"Peeta i-"

"No katniss I get it. Just answer his question."

I want to take it all back but I can't. The pained look on his face makes my heart clench.

 _Decide now. It doesn't matter._

"You can coach us together."

"All right, so give me some idea of what you can do," says Haymitch.

"I can't do anything," says Peeta. "Unless you count chopping wood or breaking boulders open."

"Sorry I don't. Katniss. I already know you're handy with a knife." Haymitch says.

"Not really, that's Peeta but I can hunt, with a bow and arrow."

I hear Peeta scoff, "That was eight years ago."

"So, there's something called muscle memory." I argue.

Haymitch takes this time to but in, "Stop bickering" He snaps.

I don't listen. "Did you not hear yourself Peeta? You said that you chop wood which obviously means trees which aren't easy," he's about to cut in but I put my hand up, "also splitting open boulders? You're as strong as an ox! You used to wrestle when we were little so don't take that out of it, also it doesn't matter if you haven't wielded a knife in eight years, you were a master at it! You could easily get a handle on it once you practice. Plus you're strong which gives you an advantage over most of the other tributes. If i get in a fight i'm dead!" By the end of my rant Peeta is already saying, "Oh please, when was the last time someone got into a brawl in The Hunger Games? And what about you?! You're an amazing shot with a bow. You can shoot a squirrel through the eye from a distance most people can't even see one. Yeah and you can hunt which gives _you_ the advantage over _everybody,_ even the careers who get all their food from the cornucopia."

Haymitch uses the pause to speak, "Will both of you shut up? Good. Now first Peeta, katniss is right, never rule out strength, that's always good to have and even though there's not always hand to hand combat in the arena it's definitely good to know how to fight. And second, Katniss, i can't say that there'll be a bow in the there but knowing how to hunt is a good way to stay alive, now are we done with you two trying to argue who's better?" Haymitch glares at us, i slouch down in my seat and fold my arms like an annoyed child while peeta nods.

"Now tell me your plan? I would like to know because while most kids go into the arena they want to come out alive. You two on the other hand seem to want to do everything backwards."

Peeta says it before i even get the chance to speak, "Katniss is going to be the victor."

"No I am not. You're living not me." I snap.

"Damn it, stop making it so much harder than it already is! You're not dying! You have an entire family to go back to! What do i have? Nothing! I have no one! In case you haven't noticed Katniss my family's dead!" I'm shocked at first by Peeta's out burst and cursing.

Softly i say, "You have me…"

"Not if you're dead." Peeta states.

"Peeta." I look into his blue eyes. "I can't lose you. You don't know what happened to me when you left. It…" my lower lips starts to tremble and i hate how emotional I'm being. Especially in front of Haymitch who of all people i never want to see me cry.

Haymitch sighs, "We'll talk about this later. Right now we're going to talk about strategy. How you're going to act around the other tributes. Then Effie's going to take you down to the training center where you'll be introduced to your fellow tributes and get better at your skills."

 _ **I am so sorry! I know it's been so long and i apologize for not writing! I hope that you can forgive me! I'm so grateful for all of the followers and comments on my story that i just had to write. ❤**_

 _ **Katniss pov**_

I follow Effie down the hallway with Peeta following behind.

Why?

Why is this world so cruel? Why did me and Peeta have to be torn apart and then thrown together just to kill each other?

Because of the capital.

Because of the sadistic minds of those who enjoy watching children fight to the death. Because their sick.

And because of President Snow.

We are about to reach the dining room when Effie whirls around and screeches. "Oh my! You haven't showered Or dressed yet! It's already 9:02! Hurry hurry! Back to your rooms!

After I figure out how to work the showers I find the clothes Cinna must have laid out. Black trousers and a maroon tunic with leather boots. I braid my hair down my back like usual. I make my way down to the dining room to find everyone but Peeta's there already, I fill my plate with food, I load my plate with eggs, sausages, batter cakes covered in thick orange preserves, and slices of pale purple melon. As I gorge myself I watch as the sun rises over the capital. I have a second plate of hot grain smothered in beef stew. Finally, I fill a plate with rolls and dip them in hot chocolate the way Peeta did.

I look up when I hear the doors slide open and Peeta walks in. He is wearing the exact same thing as me. This twins act is going to blow up in our faces once the games begin. Yes, I want to save his life but we can't always be together or the same. _If only._

I'm nervous about the training. There will be three days in which all the tributes practice together. On the last afternoon, we'll each get a chance to perform in private before the Gamemakers. The thought of meeting the other tributes face-to-face makes me queasy.

After Haymitch is done eating he leans on his elbows, "So, let's get down to business. Training. First off, if you like, I'll coach you separately. Decide now."

"Why would you coach us separately?" I ask.

"Say if you had a secret skill you didn't want the other to know about," Haymitch says.

 _I don't know. I can't get any closer._

"I don't have any skills," Peeta says, "and I'm pretty sure I know yours, I went with you and your dad enough times to know that."

"I don't know." I look at Haymitch.

Peeta sighs, "katniss? Are you still mad at me? Because seriously i-"

"It has nothing to do with that." I cut him off harshly. "I just- I just"

What I want to say is I just got you and I'm not losing you. But I'm not good with my emotions and I'm definitely not saying that in front of Haymitch.

Barely above a whisper I hear Peeta, "it's okay. I understand," he looks up, right into my eyes, "it's only business. Nothing more. We're nothing."

"Peeta i-"

"No katniss I get it. Just answer his question."

I want to take it all back but I can't. The pained look on his face makes my heart clench.

 _Decide now. It doesn't matter._

"You can coach us together."

"All right, so give me some idea of what you can do," says Haymitch.

"I can't do anything," says Peeta. "Unless you count chopping wood or breaking boulders open."

"Sorry I don't. Katniss. I already know you're handy with a knife." Haymitch says.

"Not really, that's Peeta but I can hunt, with a bow and arrow."

I hear Peeta scoff, "That was eight years ago."

"So, there's something called muscle memory." I argue.

Haymitch takes this time to but in, "Stop bickering" He snaps.

I don't listen. "Did you not hear yourself Peeta? You said that you chop wood which obviously means trees which aren't easy," he's about to cut in but I put my hand up, "also splitting open boulders? You're as strong as an ox! You used to wrestle when we were little so don't take that out of it, also it doesn't matter if you haven't wielded a knife in eight years, you were a master at it! You could easily get a handle on it once you practice. Plus you're strong which gives you an advantage over most of the other tributes. If i get in a fight i'm dead!" By the end of my rant Peeta is already saying, "Oh please, when was the last time someone got into a brawl in The Hunger Games? And what about you?! You're an amazing shot with a bow. You can shoot a squirrel through the eye from a distance most people can't even see one. Yeah and you can hunt which gives _you_ the advantage over _everybody,_ even the careers who get all their food from the cornucopia."

Haymitch uses the pause to speak, "Will both of you shut up? Good. Now first Peeta, katniss is right, never rule out strength, that's always good to have and even though there's not always hand to hand combat in the arena it's definitely good to know how to fight. And second, Katniss, i can't say that there'll be a bow in the there but knowing how to hunt is a good way to stay alive, now are we done with you two trying to argue who's better?" Haymitch glares at us, i slouch down in my seat and fold my arms like an annoyed child while peeta nods.

"Now tell me your plan? I would like to know because while most kids go into the arena they want to come out alive. You two on the other hand seem to want to do everything backwards."

Peeta says it before i even get the chance to speak, "Katniss is going to be the victor."

"No I am not. You're living not me." I snap.

"Damn it, stop making it so much harder than it already is! You're not dying! You have an entire family to go back to! What do i have? Nothing! I have no one! In case you haven't noticed Katniss my family's dead!" I'm shocked at first by Peeta's out burst and cursing.

Softly i say, "You have me…"

"Not if you're dead." Peeta states.

"Peeta." I look into his blue eyes. "I can't lose you. You don't know what happened to me when you left. It…" my lower lips starts to tremble and i hate how emotional I'm being. Especially in front of Haymitch who of all people i never want to see me cry.

Haymitch sighs, "We'll talk about this later. Right now we're going to talk about strategy. How you're going to act around the other tributes. Then Effie's going to take you down to the training center where you'll be introduced to your fellow tributes and get better at your skills."


	27. Chapter 27- Flirting

_Why? Why does this have to happen? Why am i even asking myself this? It doesn't matter. Nothing's going to change. The capital will always be in charge. The only thing that matters is that Peeta gets out of the Arena unharmed. I hate that I'm doing this to him. I'm trying to distance myself. It's better this way._

That's what i tell myself while we are stuck in the elevator.

Haymitch told us to stick together, and when we get back we're going to talk more about our "friendship" or he says "relationship" but he said to try and hint at something more. Which i didn't get at the beginning until i saw peeta blushing fiercely. Apparently our not so subtle hugs and crying over each other made all the capitals think we were together. Haymitch also told us not to show our real talents, like my bow skill, and Peeta's strength.

The tension is clear in the ride down. Peeta notices this and decides to speak even though we're both clearly aware of Effie's presence.

"Katniss." He takes a deep breath. "We can't do this."

My head snaps up. Do what? Be friends.

"If we're suppose to stick together we can't go down there acting like this. We're suppose to act like friends."

"Whatever do you mean Peeta?" Effie gasps, "Are you guys fighting?"

"Oh no Effie we just had a little disagreement." Peeta offers with a smile.

"About what?" She asks still shocked.

I decide if we're suppose to act like friends then there's no reason to lie. "We disagreed on who should live." I tell her.

"Oh. My. I'm so, so absolutely sorry. You warm my heart you two." Maybe i was wrong about Effie. Maybe she actually does care more than being bumped up to a better district.

"Katniss." Peeta says bringing my attention back to him. "Come here."

I could easily say no. I'm still not happy with him. The way he undegraded himself like that rubbed me the wrong way. But with Effie in the same elevator as us i relent. So when he parts his arms i allow him to embrace me.

As he wraps his arms around me he starts to whisper in my ear and an involuntary shiver goes down my spine which i can't explain why. "Katniss. I'm serious. We can't go down there like this. I know how you feel about me and don't want to be around me but we can't do this right now. Okay? I-"

I cut him off, "Of course i want to be with you Peeta." I whisper harshly holding him tighter. "I just.. I can't do that to you."

"Do what?" Before i can answer him the doors open and everyone turns to look at us. Peeta and i manage to untangle from each other to realize we are the last tributes to arrive. Effie smiles and the elevator doors close and we turn around to see two capital men pinning the number 12 on our backs. Peeta takes my hand and we join the others as the instructor keeps speaking. I can't help but notice we're the only team who is wearing the same outfit. Wait team? No we're not a team. We can't be. This is The Hunger Games. Not some school project.

There are no teams. It's one against another. Although not in mine and Peeta's case. But i can't help but think how I'd feel if he didn't care if I died. I shake my head. That doesn't matter. Of course he cares. Hes Peeta for crying out loud. He'll care if the district 2 male gets killed. What was his name again? Uh… Clato? No… Tato? Potatoe? Oh who cares.

As Atala speaks i examine my fellow competitors. I frown when i see that more than half of the girls are bigger than me. And most the guys have are good hundred pounds heavier. Although gratefully i notice Peeta is about the third biggest and tallest boy.

Atala our instructor tells us no fighting with the other tributes, although a sparring partner will be offered when asked. She mainly instructs to try and learn new things. There are multiple stations with weapons including a few other ones like knot tying, an edible plants station, and a camouflage station.

Peeta turns to me, "What do you want to do?"

I glance around and see that all of the careers have gone to the most menacing stations available. "Suppose we tie some knots?"

Peeta nods his head and we head towards the knot tying station.

Me and Peeta both do fairly well at this unpopular station. Me a little bit better than Peeta although I know Gle would be the best at this. At the thought of Gale a sharp pain goes through my heart thinking of him and i know I'm never going to see him again.

This seems to show on my face because Peeta gently puts a hand on my arm, "Katniss? Are you alright?"

"Yeah I'm fine. Just uh lost in thought." I explain.

Peeta doesn't seem to buy it but drops it.

Instead he changes the subject, "Katniss." By the way he says my name i know what's coming. He always says my name at the beginning of a sentence. "I need you to realize why you need to live."

"Peeta-"

"No. You need to listen. Please?"

"Later Peeta. Not right now. Okay?"

"Okay." He relents.

"Okay." I smile. And refocus my attention on the snare I'm doing that is suppose to leave a person dangling by their foot from a tree. I remember how we should be hinting at something more than friendship. I am just so terrible at this that i don't know how to start. Ugh. Haymitch made this so much harder by having us stick together. How am i supposed to stay away when i have to be with him 24/7? I'm trying to make it better for him… it'd be selfish if i allow our friendship to blossom. It would just be that much harder to say goodbye.

We stay at the knot tying station for about an hour until Peeta grabs my hand and leads us to the camouflage station. Peeta's smile seems to grow and grow until we reach it. And i know why. I remember when we were little Peeta used to draw. All the time. He used to draw me sweet pictures of us. Of our family's, the forest, sunsets, mountain. And he was amazing. I'm not sure the last time he painted or drew but i know he's probably even better than when we were kids. He eagerly looks at all of the supplies and the trainer sees his interest and asks if he knows anything. "My family owned a bakery." He tells him. I can see just a tiny flash of sadness in his eyes when he says 'owned' past tense. But in a second it's gone and he grins at me.

"He frosted the cakes and is an amazing drawer." I offer.

Peeta snorts and he has an amused look on his face, "She's just saying that."

I playfully slap his arm, (I guess it's now or never to play the "more than friends" thing.) "It is not!" I laugh.

"Oh yes it is! When was the last time you saw me draw?!" he's grinning now.

I wrack my brain. Shoot.. When was the last time? "Oh yeah! Our wed.. Our.. Our.. Uh." I'm stuttering like a fool and i can just feel the heat in my face at the memory of our wedding. Especially with the capital instructor sitting so near.

Peeta is absolutely loving it with the smirk on his face, "Our what katniss?" He chuckles. And then his face goes soft. "You remember that? That was like.. Eight years ago."

I scoff, "Of course i remember. How could i forget?"

Very slowly, Peeta lifts his hand to cradle my face. All of the sudden my heart starts hammering. What is happening to me? How is this boy making me feel this way? "And here i thought i was the only one paying attention…" He murmurs.

"What do you mean?" I asked confused.

"Well.. I mean… we were.. Uh.. Like.. So young… and i know we lo- i mean.. Yeah. You know what i mean… right?"

By now I'm laughing so hard I've got most of the people's curious and annoyed stares from across the room. "Is Peeta Mellark at a loss of words?"

By now he's bet red, but of course he has to go say something adorable. "Only for you."

Now it's my turn to blush. Which i know he intended. I push his shoulder playfully and say, "Come on let's see how good you are."

And boy is he good.

He mixes a ton of different things together like leaf juice and mud to make different colors and and next thing i know i have the design of what looks like a forest with the sun creeping through the trees on my arm. My forest. Our forest. How Peeta paints this onto my arm in such detail is beyond me. But when i look into his eyes they're soft and comforting. "It's beautiful." i tell him.

"It is. But it couldn't even compete with your beauty." He murmurs.

I chuckle a tiny bit and smile at him, "Do you practice this stuff in front of a mirror each morning?" Because no one should be able to say things like that off the top of their mind.

"Maybe…" He says a bit sheepish with a grin.

Well by the time we leave the camouflage station we definitely have that trainer thinking we're a couple.


	28. Chapter 29-argueing

Peeta and I continue to get nasty glares thrown our way through the day while training and at lunch. Although we seem to pick up a little shadow. Rue-i think her name is-follows us to every station we go to.

Most of the tributes -besides the careers- are sitting alone. Excluding me and Peeta. It seems we're the only ones really speaking. Peeta continues to make me laugh and in the back of my mind i just keep thinking "Only for the audience. It's only for the audience." I can't continue to get closer to him. It will only make things worse. But Peeta seems intent on pushing it.

The next three days pass normally, i keep fending off Peeta's attempts at talking about who lives and who dies. Although we continue to share a bed each night. As the clock is winding down the days to live i realize all too soon it's the day where we have to perform for the head game makers.

They are the ones who judge our scores.

They score us one through twelve. One being the lowest and twelve being great. The careers usually end up with a score of eight through ten while the poor districts range from one to six.

Peeta and i are the last ones in the room as the female district 11 gets called -Rue- into the training room.

"Katniss." Peeta looks into my eyes with a strange look in his eyes that i can't decipher. "We really need to talk."

Not this again. I give a big audible sigh. "Peeta. I told you. Not now."

He's the one who gives the sigh next. Frustratingly. "When? When then? Because if you hadn't noticed our times almost up. It's been three days katniss. So when do you want to talk. Because there's no way in hell I'm letting you die in that arena."

"Why do you think you can make that decision for me?!" I snap.

"Because i vowed to protect you." Peeta growls.

"And so did i!" My voice is raising again. How dare he act like he cares about me more than i do him. I am giving up Prim, my mother, Gale, everyone i know and love just so he can live.

Peeta laughs darkly, mockingly, "Katniss. Why are you being so difficult!? Are you just being stubborn? Bec-"

"Who do you think you are?!" I yell.

"Someone who's been in love with you my whole life."

My anger's gone. My breath's gone. All replaced by sadness.

"Peeta…" I say meekly.

"It's alright katniss." He tells me softly. "I should've said something before."

My voice is a tiny whisper. "What do you mean? We always said that. And.. And I do lo-"

"PEETA MELLARK. District 12. Peeta Mellark." A loud voice booms.

"Good luck." I say.

"Yeah. You to. Shoot straight." And he leaves me alone in the room.

Alone with my thoughts.


	29. Chapter 28-Regret

_I'm sorry I_ _haven't posted in a while!!! I hope you'll forgive me. I need some voters (If I still have any readers :)) do you want them to be allies in the arena? From the beginning?? I don't know yet I've just been going with the flow_ _Hope you enjoy. Plewse review._

It's been five minutes since Peeta left. and the whole time I've been thinking if I should try my best or not. I will do as good as I can. Because if I'm going to keep Peeta alive I need a good score. But I need to shut my emotions off. I can't let my self be fooled by something that will never happen. I will die. Nothing can ever happen between Peeta and I. I need to stop being emotionaly connected with him. it's for the best. I want him to go home and get over me. No matter how painful it will be. That's why whatever we have needs to stop. Because if it doesn't it will just be worse. It's just a friendship. Just a friendship. A friendship...

"Katniss Everdeen. District Twelve. Katniss Everdeen."

I smooth my hair and clothes and slowly walk into the large room.

Oh no. Immediately I know somethings off.

The Gamemakers have been here far too long. They're bored. Have had too much to drink. They all just want to go to bed.

But there's nothing I can do. So i continue with the plan.

I search the gymnasium for the weapon I've been longing to shoot for days. I walk over to the bow and arrows, string the bow, slide a quiver full of arrows over my back. I ignore the target and walk over to the knife practicing dummy and pull the string. instantly I know somethings off. The string is a lot harder to pull than my old one back home. I miss the target by a few inches and the few Gamemakers that were paying attention to me completely lost interest.

I shoot about four times before I get the feel of this new weapon.

I take my initial position in the center of the gym and release the arrow. it slices right through the heart of the dummy. After that I sever the rope to the sandbag and it falls and breaks all over the floor, without pause i shoulder roll and come up on one knee to send an arrow into a hanging light and send sparks flying everywhere.

I feel pride bursting through me and turn around to the Gamemakers. Few are nodding their heads in approval but most of them are paying attention to a roasted pig.

Suddenly I'm furious. That with my life on the line, they don't even have the decency to pay attention to me. I'm being upstaged by a dead pig. My heart starts to pound, I can feel my face burning. Without thinking, I pull an arrow from my quiver and send it straight at the Gamemakers table. I hear screams of fear as my arrow flies into the apple that was in the pigs mouth and pin it to the wall behind the table.

"Thank you for your consideration." I say and give a slight bow and stride towards the elevator doors without being dismissed. That alone could get me killed. Yet my temper is still flaring and I chuck the bow and quiver onto the ground. Just to spite them.

 _Sorry it's short. This chapter is just so I can try and get back into writing. Sorry Peetas not in it._ _And really my main reason for writing is for all of you readers. You really give me inspiration to write and im grateful you take the time to read and review my story. So thank you._


	30. Chapter 30-Worries

I'm so stupid. Why did I do that? How could I? What's wrong with me? Now they'll surely kill me and Peeta. We won't even have a chance.

I have time to make it out of the elevator and bolt to my room before I start sobbing into my blankets.

Because of my disrespectful manners and short temper I most likely won't even make it out of the blood bath. And they might just kill Peeta too because he's associated with me.

Forget about me though. What will they do to my family? They'll probably kill them. Or maybe just kill me, put my mother in the prison, and force Prim into the community home.

They allow me ten minutes before they start pounding on the door. Well till Haymitch pounds and Effie daintily brushes her nuckles against the door.

I don't even know what I said. It was all just a blobbery mess of me yelling at them and eventually leaving.

I expect Peacekeepers to come haul me away but none come and for a while I'm left alone.

Then I hear a soft knock on my door and know it's Peetas. I don't want to see him. I can't. I probably just promised his death. How can I even look him in the eye.

"Go away!" I scream at the door.

"Katniss. It's me." Peeta tries to use a soothing voice. "Please let me in... You can tell me what happened... Or not and we can sit... Please. Don't shut me out."

By now I've almost given in. But the stubborn and guilty part of me talks first. I sound like I'm a little child. "Please... Peeta just go."

I hear a moan and hear the door groan in protest in what can only be Peeta sliding down to wait.

"Katniss. I made a promise to you when we were eight years old. I'm sorry. But I will never leave you. I'll never leave you. And I'm certainly not going to start now when you need me. Even if you won't admit it."

I let out a deep sigh because I know eventually I'll give in anyways. I toss the conforter over me and grudgingly walk to the door.

As I open the door Peeta practically falls into my room.

Hes laying down in front of me with a cheeky grin on his face. "You know I don't think I've seen you from this angle before."

I'm about to slam the door when he jumps up and hurredly says, "I'm sorry katniss. I was trying to lightin the mood.. Do you want to talk about it?"

No. I don't. I just garanteed both of our deaths. I didnt even think I could look him in the eye let alone till him what I did.

What I want. Deep inside is for him to hug me and tell me every thing is going to be alright. But I can't let that happen. I need to drop whatever connection we have. And lying to myself isn't going to help either.

"Peeta, I just don't feel like talking right now-"

"Don't do this." Peeta cuts me off. Before I have time to respond he has me already enveloped in a hug. "Katniss. I'm begging you. Don't shut me out." I can hear the pleading tone in his voice. The only thing that is helping me from completely cracking is not having to stair into his eyes. His gorgeous blue eyes that bore into my dull grey ones. The eyes that can make me say anything.

For a long moment the only thing I can hear is his heartbeat.

"Say something."

"I shot an arrow at the Gamemakers."

"Oh"

"Oh? Oh? I've been thinking of different ways they're going to kill me, you, and my family for about half an hour and the only thing you can say is oh?" I'm pissed. It's like he could careless. Where did my Peeta go?

"Sorry. Maybe that seemed a bit insencere bu-"

"Ya think?"

"You didn't let me finish." Peeta states. "I said 'Oh' because well first you didn't give me the whole story, sec-"

"Would you like to hear it?" I interrupt him.

"Of course."

I start with a sigh, "Well you know how they were. All bored and lazy and couldn't even give me 15 minutes of their time to have a fighting chance. They were so wrapped up in that damn pig most of them didn't even see me shooting!"

"So you shot at them?"

"No! Well not exactly. I shot at that dumb apple in the pig's mouth! They were so infuriating I couldn't handle it anymore, so after I shot at the pig I stormed out without being dismissed."

I look up at Peeta and the look he's giving me makes me feel uncomfortable. He's smiling, shaking his head. Then he mumbles something and I only get the words "Why," "Fell" and "love"

"What?" I ask.

"Nothing. katniss. They're not going to do anything. It's going to be hell to replace a tribute this far into it. And for me well whatever happens to you I'll be by your side every step of the way. If you'll allow it."

"What do you mean?" I say confused.

"Do you want to be in an alliance?" He asks tenderly, stroking my cheek.

I need to pull away. I need to push him out of my room and shut the door and not come out until I have to. I need to stop caving every time he makes any physical contact with me. I need to stop sharing a bed with him. I need to completely stop my emotions from growing.

But the other part of me needs him. Needs his touch, needs his big arms to wrap around me and make me feel protected, I need the scent of cinnamon every time he hugs me, but then again my logical part of me usually wins.

I'm about to tell him no. But then it hits me. We'll have to be allies. How will I keep him safe if not being right next to him?

But it's not the emotional thinking or the logical thinking that seals the deal. It's his eyes. It always is.

There's so much hope and sincerity in them that I cant help but say yes. Only to make his eyes sparkle and the lopsided grin to take over his face and his dimples to practically touch his eyes. Just to see his eyes crinkle. Because sooner rather than later. I won't ever see that again. So why not make the best of it as I can?

"I thought that you said you'd never leave me." I joke.

"So yes?"

"Obviously."

What I don't expect is him to completely lift me off the ground and spin me in a circle, laughing giddily. It's the small things that matter. Like the gentle way he sets me down and tucks a strand of loose hair behind my ear.

"You know. I'm glad. No matter what happens. I'm happy I get to spend my last days with you."


	31. Chapter 31- Decisions

_**I'm so sorry! Okay I have been so busy with work and school and training that i haven't had anytime to write but i finally bought my own computer. The last few years i've only had a phone to type this story on so it wasn't the funnest. But hopefully now i will update normally and i'm so sorry if not. But i'm starting to get back into writing. So please comment and fav/follow. You guys are literally the only reason i write this. All your comments are my inspiration and you guys make my day and just want me to write more. So here's to you loyal readers. I love you.**_

I walk slowly into the training center. Immediately i know something's wrong. The Game Makers have been here too long. They're bored. It's been 12 districts now and all they want to do is go home.

I know i can't mess up or I'll lose any respect i have gained throughout the last few days. I carefully pad to the bow and grip the cool mettle and swing the sheath of arrows over my shoulder. I hitch an arrow and pull the string back. Instantly i know it's wrong. It's too tight. Much harder to pull than my old bow back home.

My aim is going to be off. I pull back the string, farther this time, and let the arrow fly.

It misses. The bulls eye, but it still lands on the target. Again. Again. And again. I don't pay attention to the Gamemakers. My aim gets better. More accurate. I hit the center of it dead on and i do a shoulder roll, come up on one knee, send an arrow flying into the the lights above to send a shower of sparks down and I send one last one. Right into the dead middle of the arrow on the target. And it splits it in two.

Extremely impressed with myself. I turn around to look at the Gamemakers. And what I see infuriates me. They're not even looking at me. Only a select few are. A lady is nodding her head in approval while the rest are too busy eating a damn roast.

Before I can stop myself an arrow is already loaded and shoots straight into the mouth of the pig and plants the apple that was in it right into the wall behind. If I were not in my situation. I would've laughed. Because it was quite humorous. All of the reactions, many screamed and jumped while one man stumbled back and fell into a punch bowl.

But I have so much frustration and anger pumping through my blood I decide one last thing can't hurt anymore. I bow mockingly and say, "Thank you. For your generation." And throw the bow on the ground. It kind of hurts to, considering how nice it was. Last minute before i reach the elevator I yank off the quiver and chuck it to the side and punch the 12th floor while glaring at all The Gamemakers and the shocked Avok while the doors slide shut.

Instantly regret and guilt starts to overwhelm me. "What have I done?" No. "I've lost any chance of living past the blood bath. How am I supposed to save Peeta when I'm dead. I'm such an idiot." Why can't I ever control my emotions?!

That's when the tears start to come. Pouring down my cheeks. I am going to die. I have no chance whatsoever to help Peeta now. I screwed us. He's going to die and it's all my fault. As soon as the elevator doors open I race down the hall as quick as possible, right past the dining room. I hear Effie huff and Peeta yell my name but i ignore them. How could i look him in the eye when i just sentenced us to death? They'll surely kill me. And because he's with me they'll kill him. I slam my door and fall onto my bed. I don't care if I cry anymore. I'm dead anyways.

"Maybe.. Maybe if i can convince them that me and Peeta aren't together anymore, maybe they'll give him a chance. That's all i need." I whisper to myself. No! That won't work. Peeta will never agree. And besides. They have already seen us together a ton. But.. maybe… just maybe.. I can get them to think otherwise. "It might just kill me to do it. But i.. I have to make Peeta think i don't care about him anymore. And i have to make every person in the capital to believe that to."

I hear a knock on my door. "Go away!" I scream. I want nothing to do with anyone. I lie… They'll probably give me a zero on my score so everybody will be out to kill me.

Another knock. "I said go away!" I want to die. Right now. The tears haven't stopped. This is worse than before. Now i don't have to just keep Peeta alive, I have to lie to him and make him feel horrible. But if that's what it takes then so be it.

"Katniss…" But I want him to hold me. I want him to tell me that everything's going to be okay. But it's not. That's not how the world works.

"Please. I don't want to see anyone."

"But, Katniss. It's me.."

"I" My voice cracks. I can't.. I let out a sob, "I don't care."

 _ **I'm so sorry guys, but life can't be easy for these two ya know?**_


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